


Friends Who Are Girls

by ohshiptakemushrooms



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, I'll add more as I go, Mature for later stuff, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, apologies in advance, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-05-17 03:02:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohshiptakemushrooms/pseuds/ohshiptakemushrooms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just your average fix of Clexa.<br/>Clarke and Lexa meet for the first time in a coffee shop.<br/>Shenanigans ensue.<br/>They decide to be friends. Just friends, though. Normal, girl friends - friends who are girls.<br/>Even though they both want a lot more than that.<br/>But neither one of them is gonna admit that, are they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Subtlety and Elegance

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so hey!!! As one does during their first year at uni, I decided to write my very own fanfiction.  
> I'm really excited, but this is my first fic ever and I'm really not sure if I did it right or if it's any good, so pretty please leave a comment or some kudos on my work because I would love to improve and write some more! If there's a good response I'll definitely carry this fic on.  
> This first chapter is pretty short, and it's from Lexa's POV. If I continue this fic I'd like to write longer chapters with Clarke's POV too woo \o/  
> By the way, I hope it's clear but most of the writing in italics is Lexa's thoughts.  
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy! :-)

Monday morning.

Drizzly, dreary sky.

Endless queue for coffee.

Lexa looked at her watch, debating with herself whether or not she needed her daily dose of caffeine.

_First day of university. I have to be there on time, but there’s also no point showing up half-asleep…_

Sighing to herself, Lexa joined the line. As she crawled along at a snail’s pace, she noticed all the seats being filled with rowdy students and focused entrepreneurs, each completely oblivious to each other, wrapped in their own little bubbles. She wished she was able to block people out like that, but Lexa had a requirement to be acutely aware of her surroundings.

Ordering her simple, black coffee, Lexa decided she might as well throw in an apple as well, start the day with breakfast for a change. She was determined to make positive changes in her life after everything that had happened last year, and this apple was the first step. A small one, but it would do for now.

Now she had her drink, she had to navigate her way through the maze of people in search of an empty seat. There were only two chairs she could see; one directly opposite an intense looking businessman who was already staring at her creepily, or one at a table for three, with two girls already seated and deep in conversation.

Lexa watched one of the girls pour an entire energy drink into her coffee, while the other was frantically shouting at her to “Wait for oh, wait for oh!” (What did that even mean?), and she was seriously considering sitting with the creepy guy instead of dealing with whatever the hell that was.

Just then, the brown-haired girl whispered something in the blonde’s ear and nodded towards Lexa. She felt extremely self-conscious, and when the blonde girl turned to face her, Lexa was stunned into stillness. She stood deadly stiff, her mouth slightly agape as she returned the girl’s friendly smile with a stare. This girl – no, this woman before her was insanely attractive. Like, _holy shit she is hot_ kind of attractive.

She had long, flowing, golden hair which complemented her ocean blue eyes perfectly, and beautifully pale skin which was accompanied with a rosy blush on her cheeks. And that smile was making Lexa weak at the knees.

It felt like she was swimming in those deep blue eyes for hours, when in reality, it was only a few seconds until the spell was broken.

“Hey, this seat is free if you wanna…” the girl trailed off, inviting Lexa to sit by making a gesture at the empty chair.

Lexa snapped out of her daze and nodded appreciatively at her, offering a quiet thanks with a small smile.

“My name’s Clarke,” the blonde declared, holding out her hand to shake. “And you might be?”

Lexa took her hand and gave a firm shake.

“I’m uh… Lexa. Lexa Woods. It’s nice to meet you, Clarke.” She smiled shyly, as Clarke continued to hold her hand.

“The pleasure is all mine,” Clarke replied humbly, making Lexa blush.

“Ahem,” the other girl coughed loudly. “I hate to interrupt this little romantic moment here, but I’m Raven by the way, if anyone cares.”

She reached over, ‘accidentally’ nudging Clarke and giving Lexa a normal-length handshake, with an approving nod at her strength.

“Lovely to meet you Rave-”

“OH!” Raven shouted, interrupting her, and stood up, staring somewhere behind Lexa.

“What did I do?! What happened? I’m so sorry!” Lexa nearly jumped out of her skin, apologizing for maybe gripping Raven’s hand too tightly, or wondering if someone had tripped over behind her.

“Get yo ass over here O, come meet our new friend, Lexa. Lexa, this is Octavia, we were just waiting for her so Clarke could drink her, uh…”

“Cure,” Octavia offered. “She’s not much of a morning person so I suggested a nice, healthy mixture of caffeine to get her started for the day!”

Octavia paused for a minute, giving Lexa an inquisitive look and making her squirm with discomfort.

_Someone was sitting here already. I’ve stolen her seat, and now she hates me._

Octavia made what looked like meaningful eye-contact with Raven, and it was as if they were silently communicating in some secret language. Raven raised her eyebrow and looked over at the creepy guy at the other table, and then threw a glance at Clarke, raising both eyebrows and wiggling them a bit. Octavia seemed to understand, because her face lit up with a smile, albeit a rather suspicious one in Lexa’s opinion.

“I see Clarke gave you my seat, she’s never good at saying no to a pretty girl.” Octavia winked at Lexa, walked around the table and jumped onto Raven’s lap, wrapping her arm around her neck and watching Clarke expectantly.

“Okay okay, let’s get this over with,” Clarke said with a resigned, almost mother-like sigh.

She picked up the concoction, gave it a wary sniff, and started to drink.

Lexa watched in the way that someone does when they can’t look away, and her eyebrows steadily raised as Clarke downed the entire drink, finishing off with a rather almighty burp.

“Damn girl, you looked like you needed that,” Raven laughed.

“Yeah see, all better now,” Octavia gave a triumphant grin. “Okay we’re gonna go somewhere super important so we need to leave you alone, together… For this really important thing. Alright, see you later Clarke, bye Lexa!”

Octavia grabbed Raven’s hand purposely and dragged her out of the shop, both waving as they left.

_Okay, now we’re alone. Shit. I have no idea what to say to this girl._

Clarke was looking at Lexa with a smile, almost as if she knew what she was thinking.

“Sorry, they can be a bit overwhelming when you first meet them, but they’re good fun once you get to know them. And I realise that within the first five minutes of meeting you I’ve probably come across as crazy and gross, but I promise I’m good fun once you get to know me too.” Clarke said with a wink, and as Lexa felt a million butterflies in her stomach, she hoped that was an invitation.

“I can believe that,” Lexa replied quietly.

“So, Lex-ah,” Clarke tried her name out, drawing out the “x” and unintentionally giving Lexa the shivers. “Who hurt you?”

Instantly panicking, Lexa opened and closed her mouth trying to think of an appropriate response. _How did this girl know what had happened?_

Noticing how she might have come across, Clarke panicked and quickly corrected her mistake, a blush rising on her cheeks.

“Sorry, I only meant like, you’re drinking black coffee. No milk, and I can probably guess no sugar either? It just seems like such a gross drink to start your day off.”

Lexa sighed with relief, put at ease by Clarke’s gentle humour, and her quick wit came back to her.

“I’m really hoping you can see the hypocrisy you just displayed, Clarke. I’d rather a ‘gross’ black coffee than whatever you just ingested.”

Encouraged by Lexa’s response, Clarke rewarded her with a giant grin that reached her eyes.

“Touché, you got me there. So, I’m sure I would remember seeing someone like you in here before, and as I don’t, can I assume you’re new around here?”

“Yes. I just moved here with my parents. My mother and father both received new jobs here and thought it would be appropriate if I joined them instead of staying in my hometown.”

“Well they couldn’t just abandon you and leave you on your own could they?” Clarke questioned, not quite understanding.

“My sister is older than me, and she decided to stay behind. I am too young to make that decision,” Lexa explained, echoing her mother’s words and trying to keep the bitterness from her voice.

Clarke, sensing Lexa didn’t like discussing this topic, tried to lighten the mood.

“Well, it’s great around here. Tons of awesome people like me, loads of places to go out, and plenty of coffee shops – this one’s my favourite though, _The Woods_. Everyone who works here is so friendly, and the coffee is heavenly.”

_Funny, I didn’t even notice what this place was called. Maybe it’s destiny._

Lexa gave herself a small chuckle, before two massive hands landed on her shoulders and a booming voice, well, boomed behind her.

“Clarke, who is your lovely young friend here?” the man asked as Clarke, already getting a feel for Lexa’s boundaries, shot him wide eyes, warning him away.

With trained reflexes and a little bit of panic in her veins, Lexa grabbed the man’s hands, stood up and twisted them as she did. Just before she was about to trip him over and hold him to the ground, recognition hit her as she looked into his eyes.

“You’re… Gustus? What are you doing here?”

“Lexa! My my, what a coincidence seeing you here. You’ve grown up so much since the last time I saw you! And you’re a lot stronger too…” he stared pointedly at Lexa’s hands that were holding his arms in place.

“Oh, right, sorry about that,” Lexa reddened, embarrassed by her quick judgement. She let go of his arms and shot a little smile at him.

Gustus took Lexa into a big bear hug, almost leaving her without breath. Clarke tried to stifle a giggle as she watched Lexa stand still, being crushed by this giant man, but they both heard her and Gustus released Lexa, giving her a fond smirk.

“Well isn’t this a lovely surprise. My favourite niece and my favourite customer together. This place is mine, _The Woods’_. I guess the name never clicked, huh? I heard your parents were moving here but I didn’t expect to see you so soon Alexandria.”

Clarke didn’t even try to conceal her laugh this time, and Lexa’s grimace just made her laugh even harder.

“Alexandria and I just met, Gustus,” Clarke chimed in, storing that name for future use/blackmail.

“Ah I see. In any case, I have a feeling you two ladies are going to get on well, I’m sure Clarke would be able to show you around sometime. Anyway, some of us have to work, so I’ll catch up with you soon, okay? That’s a promise.”

Gustus’ smile was softer this time, more meaningful, and Lexa knew what that smile was for. Everyone gave her that smile, and all it did was remind Lexa. But she knew that Gustus meant well, and he might be one of the few people who genuinely cared about her.

“Thank you, see you soon,” she replied gratefully.

Sitting back down, she sipped her coffee a little awkwardly while Clarke watched her.

“Sooo…” Clarke prompted.

“So, that’s my uncle, Gustus. I haven’t seen him in a few years. Well, six to be precise. It’s nice to see him again,” Lexa got lost in happy memories for a moment, and Clarke gave her a knowing smile.

“I get it. Having family around makes anywhere feel a little more like home. It must be tricky, having to start all over again,” she said, placing her hand comfortingly on Lexa’s.

As jolts of electricity flowed from where Clarke’s hand was touching hers, Lexa was finding it difficult to reply. She settled for a slight nod instead.

“Don’t worry though, Lexa. It does get easier.”

“Thank you, Clarke. I hope so.”

The two sat for a moment, hands touching and smiling at each other.

_I have to go, but I can’t just leave here without knowing if I’m ever going to see her again… But I can’t exactly ask for her number either. It’s a bit soon for that. Maybe if I come here tomorrow she’ll be here again._

Lexa was fighting an internal battle with her self-respect and her desire, when Clarke saved the day again.

She moved her hand away (much to Lexa’s disappointment) and proposed an idea.

“Hey… This might be a little forward, but I really have to get going and you seem really cool and I’d really like to see you again and maybe show you around town sooo… Would you mind if I gave you my number?” Clarke finished, a little flustered and holding her breath.

She asked so politely, and she looked so eager that Lexa nearly melted inside.

“Of course, Clarke. I think I’d really like that.”

Lexa was about to retrieve her phone from her pocket when Clarke grabbed her coffee cup and a pen from her pocket, and started to scribble something on it.

She handed the cup back and grabbed her bag, ready to leave.

“So. It was really nice meeting you Lexa, see you around, yeah?”

“Definitely,” replied Lexa.

She shot another heart-melting smile and waved goodbye, then turned and walked away.

Lexa felt unbelievable gooey inside, which had not happened for a while. What was this girl doing to he-

“SHIT, FUCK.”

Everything went deadly silent as every single person in the coffee shop looked towards the blonde girl who was now in a heap on the floor, after having tripped over her own feet.

Lexa was about to stand up and help, when Clarke jumped back onto her feet and dusted herself off.

_Judging by the absence of a severe blush on her face and the way she expertly handled that recovery, this is something that happens a lot. A clumsy, beautiful girl._

“Oops, uhh don’t mind me! Sorry, I am so sorry, excuse me,” Clarke apologised to every person she walked past. Turning back, she called “This never happened, okay?” and she made ‘I’m watching you’ eyes, as she walked backwards straight into a large, unimpressed man.

“I am so, so sorry about that sir, have a nice day, sorry!” she quickly apologised again, and dodged around him before he could say anything.

She gave a final wave, and made it out without further incidence (unless you include pulling the door which had a clear ‘PLEASE PUSH’ sign for about 30 seconds until a kind patron pushed it open for her with a pitiful look).

Lexa was wiping tears from her eyes as she waved a last goodbye, after laughing more than she had in a long time – so hard her belly was hurting.

She regained her breath and started to eat her apple, pondering on possible future meetings with this whirlwind of a human being.

Which reminded her to look at the coffee cup. On it, Clarke had written:

_Hey Alexandria ;-)_

_Here’s my number, you should call it sometime._

_Like, tomorrow._

_See you soon!_

_Clarke Griffin xo_

“Clarke Griffin,” Lexa murmured to herself.

And maybe it was because of the way Clarke smiled at her, or maybe it was her mesmerising eyes, maybe even the way she made such a graceful exit, but Lexa found herself softly tracing the kiss and hug Clarke had given her coffee cup with her thumb, wishing she had given them to her instead.

_Beautiful girls are not good for my heart._


	2. What Are The Odds?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're liking the fic so far!  
> It's gonna be quite a slow-burn if you couldn't tell, but patience will be rewarded ;-)  
> Enjoy!

Lexa was still sitting at her table 5 minutes after Clarke had left, when she noticed lots of the students in the café starting to leave. Having been lost in thought for a while, Lexa suddenly emerged from her reverie, realising she had to get a move on if she wanted to make it to uni on time.

She grabbed her coffee cup, wrapped it in napkins and placed it extremely carefully into her bag to ensure there were no unfortunate spillages, even though she had pretty much drank all of its contents. Lexa always liked to be sure.

Lexa made sure to wave a hasty goodbye to Gustus before she left. She was looking forward to spending time with him again, it would be like having a piece of home with her.

Checking an app on her phone, she saw that a bus would be arriving in 2 minutes at the closest bus stop to her. Which was 5 minutes away.

“Shit,” Lexa cursed under her breath.

Hoisting her rucksack onto both shoulders, Lexa broke into an easy jog. Luckily she was quite tall, so she didn’t have to start sprinting or anything. She didn’t want to be a sweaty mess when she arrived.

As the bus pulled up to the curb, Lexa joined the queue to jump on, having arrived in good time.

She showed the bus driver her student ID which allowed her free travel on this particular route, and opted to stand near the exit doors so that she wouldn’t get trapped when it was her stop.

Looking at her watch, Lexa was put at ease – she had plenty of time to make it.

_If this bus driver gets a move on… What on earth is taking her so long?_

The bus was still stationary a minute after Lexa had gotten on, and she was the last person to do so. It appeared to be waiting for something to happen.

Or rather, someone.

Someone that was running wildly to catch the bus before it left.

_Typical. The one day I need to be on time is the one day I have a nice bus driver who waits for people._

With an almighty crash, that someone flew in through the doors, nearly decapitating the poor driver with a readily held ID card. The driver was saved by the glass panel that separated her from passengers. Unfortunately though, the student’s hand was not, and it hit the screen with a resounding crack.

“Ouch. Uh, here you go,” Clarke said with a sheepish smile as she presented her ID.

The driver tutted and waved her in, closing the doors.

Lexa was unable to decide between laughing and leaving her mouth open in dazed surprise, but when Clarke made her way further into the bus and found Lexa in front of her, they both opted for the latter.

The bus gave a jolt as it started to move, and Clarke fell forwards, having nothing to hold onto.

Except Lexa.

Clarke reached for her shoulders as Lexa grabbed her by the waist, and together they were able to stand upright once again.

They looked into each other’s eyes, a sea of blue meeting a field of green, and Lexa couldn’t breathe. She could have counted Clarke’s eyelashes if she wanted, they were so close.

But the bus gave a slight wobble, and the moment was broken.

Lexa reluctantly removed her hands from Clarke’s waist and reached up for hands that were still on her shoulders, placing them onto a nearby pole for her to hold on.

“Think you can stay standing up this time?” Lexa asked seriously.

Clarke gave her an equally serious look and a solemn nod, not breaking eye contact.

“Good,” replied Lexa with a straight face.

Clarke was the first to break out into laughter, and how could Lexa resist a smile when that laugh made her insides feel like jelly?

_I’m smiling at the situation, not her._

As Clarke regained her ability to breathe, she wiped tears from her eyes and gave Lexa a look that made her feel funny inside.

“Is your hand okay, Clarke?” Lexa asked feeling worried. “That sounded like it hurt.”

“Oh I’m fine,” she replied with a wave of her injured hand, wincing slightly as she did so and not doing much to convince Lexa.

Lexa raised an eyebrow in disbelief, but Clarke was clearly determined to be strong and changed the subject.

“So, it looks like we’re both going to the same place then, Uni of Polis?” Clarke double-checked, pointing to Lexa’s student ID which hung around her neck on a lanyard as she placed her own safely inside her bag.

“It appears so,” she replied. “Which makes me wonder, how did you get to the bus stop after me?”

“I have no idea, I was following the map on my phone and it took me some long ass way I guess…” She gave Lexa an almost guilty look.

“What is it?” Lexa asked, slightly anxious.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied, I was actually talking to Raven and O outside the coffee shop about, well, really important stuff.” Clarke explained, and Lexa swore she saw a slight blush rise on her cheeks.

But Lexa wasn’t one to push, so she didn’t ask about the “really important stuff” that had those three so occupied.

“That’s fine Clarke, I’m not sure why you would lie about that in the first place but don’t worry,” she reassured her.

“Cool,” replied Clarke, looking grateful.

“Are Octavia and Raven not also coming to Polis?”

“Oh they are, but they both went to go see their boyfriends before,” Clarke clarified with a roll of her eyes. “They don’t start ‘til a bit later anyway so they have time.”

“Ah I see, did you not want to see your… boyfriend before?” Lexa timidly asked.

Clarke beamed at her shyness, but her smile faltered as she replied.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. Anymore.”

_Anymore. Which means she did before._

“Anyway, what about you?” Clarke asked, moving on quickly.

_Damn. Be normal, like Clarke._

“Um. No, I had to leave behind everyone I knew back home, so I had to –“

She took a deep breath, preparing to dive into her hetero cover when Clarke jumped in to save the day.

“Oh shit sorry that was a dumb question, I totally forgot you had to move! Ignore me, I didn’t mean to bring up any memories or anything,” she interjected, looking concerned.

Lexa smiled at Clarke, admiring her ability to see the effect her words have on people.

_She always seems to know what to say._

“So, Lexa, whereabouts are you living?”

“I’m living in student accommodation near the café - Grounder Halls I believe it’s called.”

“No shit?” Clarke looked at her suspiciously.

“No, why?” Lexa asked, bemusedly.

“I’m pretty sure that there are only two explanations for this. One, you’re a major stalker. Two, the universe has destined us to be best friends.”

Lexa couldn’t help the jolt in her heart at the mention of “best friends”. She’d never had many friends before, and on her first day in this place, she already had a best friend.

She gave her biggest smile yet, because what _were_ the odds of that? Really?

“You’re living there too!”

“Yeah! Me, Raven and O are all there. I’m so glad we’re all together, this’ll make it a lot easier for me to take you out around town,” Clarke noted excitedly.

“It will be nice to have some familiar faces around, I’m not the best at making friends with strangers…”

“Hey, we were strangers just this morning weren’t we? You seem plenty good to me,” Clarke reassured Lexa, placing her hand on her arm comfortingly.

“Thanks,” Lexa replied as calmly as she could while every nerve in her arm exploded.

“Well this is my stop so, I guess I’ll be seeing you around, yeah?” Clarke asked as she pressed the bell.

“You definitely will, Clarke.”

The bus pulled into the stop and opened its doors.

Clarke seemed to be hesitating with something, but before Lexa could ask what it was, she was captured in her second squeeze-the-life-out-of-Lexa hug of the morning.

She delicately returned the hug, gently placing her arms around Clarke. Lexa realised that with every second she spent with Clarke, it felt less like she had abandoned her home and more like she was finding a new one.

“See you soon,” Clarke whispered in her ear, before pulling away.

She had to hastily ring the bell again as the bus was just about to pull out, but luckily the driver opened its doors again and Clarke was able to jump off as gracefully as ever.

Lexa was left smiling to herself discretely, when her foot bumped into something on the floor.

_She left her bag!_

It was too late to chase after her – the bus was already moving – so Lexa decided she would find Clarke and return the bag to her in her free hour after her first class. She wouldn’t have time to find her before class, so she hoped that there was nothing too important inside.

The bus pulled into Lexa’s stop, which was conveniently directly outside the building she had her class in, and Lexa grabbed both her own and Clarke’s bag. She waved a thanks to the driver and stepped off the bus.

As she made her way to the building, she peeked into Clarke’s bag. She saw a variety of books along with an extremely fluffy pencil case shaped like a lion (which in any other circumstance Lexa would have thought childish, but with Clarke she found it strangely endearing). Lexa was sure Clarke would be able to survive without this stuff, she could just text her later, no rush.

Deciding to be thorough, she checked underneath her books just in case there _was_ anything urgent, and there lay Clarke’s phone, purse and student ID.

Lexa sighed to herself.

_Nothing too important then._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every kudos brings a warmth to my heart so thank you!  
> I'm gonna try and update this weekly, hopefully every Sunday, although I might write more or less some weeks.  
> The next chapter will be a Clarke POV and longer too.
> 
> Keep smiling :-)


	3. Fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the misleading chapter title... Not yet guys chill yer boots  
> This chapter involves some texts and I'm not sure if it works in the story, I hope it does though!  
> Please enjoy!

Clarke hopped off the bus and began to walk with a spring in her step. Which jolted her hand slightly. Which hurt quite a lot.

She decided she would definitely get it checked out after her lecture, because she was pretty sure her middle finger wasn’t supposed to be twisted at an angle and severely swollen.

However, she was also pretty sure that she had just met the most beautiful cinnamon roll of a person ever, a person whom she would hopefully be spending a lot more time with.

_Today is a good day. And it’s only,_ (she glanced at her watch) _it’s only 8:45! I can’t wait to see Raven and O and tell them that Lexa’s living with us!_

_Wait. 8:45._

“Shit,” Clarke said to no one in particular. “15 minutes to get to Psychology.”

Clarke took a deep breath before bursting into her second sprint of the day. She was positive she was going to make it on time, no matter what state she turned up in.

One time pretty recently, Octavia was so sick of her turning up late to everything that she decided to set Clarke’s watch 15 minutes ahead of normal time. Clarke had agreed, because she didn’t turn up late on _purpose_. Unfortunately, while changing the time, the hour hand got stuck so that it appeared to always be two-something.

It took Clarke a whole week to notice – one day her mum, Abby had asked for the time, and she’d told her it was 2:20pm. When she came back, fuming that she was two hours late for an interview, Clarke was able to join the dots and decided to stick with a working, correct watch.

Clarke was approaching the building and instinctively went to pull her bag up her shoulders as she went up the stairs, when she noticed that her bag wasn’t there.

_Crap. Fuck! I must’ve left it on the bus. Everything’s in there, what am I going to do?! Turning up to my first lecture with absolutely nothing but a mangled hand – what a great start to the semester._

Clarke was nervous, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Everything would be back on track tomorrow. Hopefully.

Keeping an eye on her watch (8:59), she half-walked half-ran to her lecture theatre, absolutely determined to be on time.

She pushed through the door, jogged down a few stairs and slid onto the end of one of the emptier rows. With a winning grin, she watched as the second hand reached the 12. Out of all her accomplishments, this was a big one – Clarke Griffin, was punctual.

Although she wasn’t really sure what to do now.

She had nothing to take notes on, and as the lecturer introduced herself as Dr Linda or something while informing everyone of key exam dates, she just shrunk into her seat trying not to draw attention to herself and her empty desk.

Clarke found herself staring at the coffee cup that lay in a girl’s hand on the desk in front of her enviously. She was starting to feel slightly sick, and wished that she’d been responsible and had a normal, sensible cup of coffee instead of that other monstrosity she had downed.

_Damn O and Raven. “She’s not much of a morning person blah blah blah” as if a heart attack or burning my insides will get me going. Why do I listen to them?_

Thinking back to the coffee shop, she remembered Raven nodding behind her towards Lexa and telling Clarke to invite her over, and then O subtly giving them some alone time.

_Right, that’s why._

She smiled, and thought of the little note she’d left Lexa. She was worried that she might’ve seemed too eager, which was why she spoke to her friends outside _The Woods’_ before catching the bus. Luckily, they thought the “xo” was a cute touch, although they could have just been trying to get Clarke to calm down and not throw up.

That “xo” seemed to be engraved into her memory at the moment. It was almost as if she could see it on the cup she was currently staring at… Actually, that bag on the seat beside the girl in front of her looked a lot like Clarke’s bag as well. Right down to the little “We Can Do It” badge on the side.

The cogs finally slid into place in Clarke’s brain as she looked at the curly brown hair before her and realised who was sitting in front of her.

Being sat on the end, it was easy for her to slide out of her row and sit down next to Lexa while the lecturer was looking away.

Lexa jumped, startled by the sudden movement and looked like she was about to give Clarke a lecture of her own. When she saw who it was though, Clarke had to suppress a laugh at the stunned expression that was somehow more stunned than the last time.

“Hey Lexa, fancy running into you,” whispered Clarke.

“Um. Hi,” returned Lexa. “I have your bag, Clarke.”

“I noticed, thank you so much Lexa. I thought I’d lost everything.”

Clarke was very relieved, but as she started to get her gear out of her bag she didn’t notice Lexa very quickly hiding the coffee cup back into her bag, as if she hadn’t been holding it before.

They both smiled at each other, then started to take notes from Linda.

* * *

As the lecture drew to a close, Clarke began to twiddle her pen between her fingers impatiently. There was nothing to note down anymore, it was just a recap of what they’d only just been taught.

Suddenly, time stopped.

The injured finger of hers gave an involuntary twitch, and Clarke watched in horror as it caused her to misjudge the power of this particular twiddle. The pen flew out of her hand in slow motion. It soared over at least five rows before hitting a boy squarely on top of his head, then falling to the floor.

Clarke covered her mouth with her hand, feeling totally mortified. As luck would have it, the lecturer dismissed everyone seconds after the incident, so she wouldn’t get into trouble for being a distraction.

From the looks of it though, she was about to get in trouble with this guy whom she had accidentally attacked.

He stormed up the stairs with a face like thunder. It was easy for him to guess who’d thrown the pen, as Clarke’s face was filled with guilt.

“I am so, _so_ sorry for that, I didn’t mean to-” Clarke was cut off by this boy with fury in his eyes.

“Why the _hell_ , did you throw a pen at me? Are you blind?”

“No it was an accident, it flew out of my hand!”

“Flew? What kind of idiot can’t hold a pen properly?” he retorted angrily. Clearly this guy wasn’t going to accept an apology.

“Murphy, leave her alone, she said it was an accident,” intervened one of his friends. This guy looked friendlier, he had softer eyes and looked at Clarke apologetically.

“No way, shut up Jasper. I wanna know why this bitch thinks she can throw a pen at me.”

“Not cool man,” said another boy who seemed to be part of this group.

Clarke felt tears burning her eyes when she sensed something brush past her.

Lexa stepped in front of her, drawing herself up into her most imposing posture and looking down at the boy.

“What the fuck did you just call her?” She looked extremely intimidating, and even Clarke was taken aback by her anger. “Clarke has already apologised for what was only an accident, and you dare stand there and try to make her feel like she’s committed some sort of crime? Who do you think you are?”

“I-“

“No. I want you to apologise to her right now.”

Murphy looked to his left and right but found no support from his friends, so with a sour look on his face he murmured a “sorry” to Clarke.

“Now leave us,” Lexa ordered.

The boy sneered at her, but nonetheless almost ran away up the stairs.

_Holy shit, no one’s ever stood up for me like that before. That was… incredible. And super hot._

Clarke bit her lip and looked at Lexa with wonder as she took a deep breath and returned to her normal composure. When Lexa turned back around to face her, Clarke tried not to stare and failed miserably.

“Are you okay, Clarke?” Lexa asked, worriedly.

“I am super okay, I mean he scared the shit out of me but I think you returned the favour. You defended my honour,” Clarke giggled.

“I’d do it again,” said Lexa protectively.

_This girl is unreal._

“Well thank you, I really mean it. I don’t know what happened, one moment I was fiddling with my pen and the next my hand kinda jolted and it just flew out. I didn’t mean to hit him,” Clarke explained, still feeling pretty guilty.

_That guy might’ve been a total dick, but I never meant to hurt him in the first place…_

“Clarke, don’t waste your time feeling guilty for someone like him. It was a mishap, it doesn’t matter,” Lexa comforted her. “But wait a minute. You said your hand jolted, is this the hand you injured on the bus?”

“Maybe…” Clarke admitted.

“Clarke! You need to get that looked at, it really doesn’t look good,” she said, inspecting her hand. “Come on, let’s go get you fixed up.”

“Okay fine, but can you hold my hand? Just y’know, to make sure it’s protected,” Clarke asked boldly, testing the waters.

She saw something flicker behind Lexa’s eyes. Doubt? Nerves?

_Maybe I shouldn’t have asked, she looks uncomfortable with me flirting. Damn._

“Friends can hold hands, right?” she covered quickly, she would take whatever she could get with this girl.

“Sure,” replied Lexa, looking a bit more at ease.

Clarke reached out and Lexa placed her hand in Clarke’s where they slid contentedly together.

“Oh wait a sec,” said Clarke as she removed her hand and ran down the stairs.

She rescued her pen from the floor and held it up in explanation for Lexa. Running back up the stairs, she almost tripped, but as she replaced her hand in Lexa’s she was able to keep her balance. She felt a lot safer with Lexa guiding her.

Clarke hardly knew anything about this girl, but she couldn’t help the butterflies in her stomach as they walked in companionable silence together. Obviously she had felt an instant physical attraction to her the first time she laid eyes on her, ( _I mean, who wouldn’t?),_ but the more time she spent with her, the more she felt a sort of intense magnetism between the two of them. It wasn’t even necessarily romantic, hell Clarke didn’t even know if Lexa was attracted to girls, but there was something between them that made her sure they were meant to be friends.

“Clarke?” Lexa broke the silence and Clarke’s thoughts, sounding very inquisitive.

“Yeah?”

“Yet again we had the same destination, and yet again you arrived later than me. I was just wondering, what happened this time?” she asked with a smirk.

“Ohh yeah… Well this time I’m genuinely not sure. I had to run to get here on time, I was actually wondering how you got here so fast.”

“Clarke… the bus stops directly outside this building.” Lexa gave Clarke a sideways glance, causing her to blush.

“Oh of course! I totally knew that. Yep, I just fancied a run, bit of fresh air you know? Healthy start to the day,” Clarke smoothly recovered.

Lexa gave a light laugh, and the sound of it rang in Clarke’s ears for the first time. She watched Lexa chuckling, appreciating the delightful noise and the way her eyes creased, the way she held her hand in front of her face as if to hide her smile. Her _smile_.

“You have a really beautiful smile,” Clarke blurted out.

She saw the blush rise on Lexa’s face and was about to make an apology when she saw she was still smiling.

“Thank you Clarke, it probably won’t sound as genuine now if I say it, but you also have a stunning smile. In fact you are stunning overall-“ Lexa stopped herself, now incredibly red and looking extremely awkward.

Clarke squeezed her hand gently, trying to make her feel more at ease.

“Thank you Lexa, that’s really sweet of you to say.”

_She is the most adorable thing on the planet._

They were now approaching the nurse’s office, which was a good thing considering Clarke’s finger was starting to throb painfully.

They stopped outside the door and Clarke turned to face Lexa, who was looking down at the floor.

“Hey,” she brushed her hand on Lexa’s arm to get her to look up. “I cannot express my gratitude for your impenetrable protection kind woman, I am forever in your debt.” Clarke gave a little curtsey, trying to lift the air of awkwardness.

Lexa smiled and the air was cleared, and Clarke could look into those emerald eyes again.

“It was an honour, m’lady,” replied Lexa, bowing before her.

Clarke was thrilled that Lexa joined in with her dorkiness and beamed at her.

“Honestly though, thanks for everything. I’ll be alright from here I think.”

“It’s no trouble, I should stay and make sure everything’s okay,” said Lexa caringly.

“Thanks but you probably have things to do, seriously, I’ll be fine. But make sure to text me!” Clarke wanted to make sure Lexa didn’t think she was trying to get rid of her – quite the opposite.

“I do have another class soon… Okay Clarke, don’t get into any more trouble or accidents, promise me?”

“I promise, Lexa,” Clarke said with a laugh.

Seemingly reassured, Lexa nodded and waved a goodbye before turning on her heel and walking away.

Clarke sighed as she watched her leave. She wasn’t trying to be creepy but _damn_ Lexa had a great body. She had to work out or something.

When she could pull her eyes away, Clarke knocked on the door. With her bad hand.

“Shit,” she cursed as a wave of pain washed over her finger.

“That does not look good,” said the nurse as she opened the door.

“Mum?!” Clarke looked up in shock at her mother. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too Clarke,” Abby said with a smile. “Come in and let me see that finger.”

Clarke wandered in slowly, absorbing this new information and feeling kinda glad that she’d made Lexa leave.

“Take a seat,” said Abigail, gesturing towards one of the chairs.

“Mum what are you doing here? In a nice way this time, I’m just curious. You never told me you were gonna work here?” Clarke felt almost betrayed that she hadn’t been told.

“Well, remember that interview I was two hours late to?” she reminded Clarke with a gentle jab in the ribs. “It got rescheduled to two weeks ago, and I only found out last week that I got the job! I figured I might see you and it would be fun to surprise you, so I didn’t say anything. I’m sorry Clarke but, I was right. Only you would end up in the nurse’s office on the first day of term,” she finished with a laugh.

Clarke huffed with indignity, although she didn’t deny it.

“Fair enough. Well, congratulations on the job,” she commended. She was sincerely proud of her mother after all that had happened.

“Thanks Clarke, now let’s mend that finger.”

Abby set to work on fixing Clarke’s finger into a cast that would undoubtedly do nothing for Clarke’s hand-eye coordination skills.

As she waited, Clarke reached into her bag for her phone and found a multitude of texts awaiting her on a group chat between her, Octavia and Raven.

**[08:25]:** _Octavia changed the name of the chat to “OPERATION HOT COFFEE GURL”_

**[08:25]:** _Octavia changed her name to God of Love_

**[08:25]:** _Raven changed her name to Mechanic of Love_

**God of Love [08:25]:** CLARKE’S IN LUUUURVE

**God of Love [08:25]:** Srsly though you’re welcome for the pep talk

**God of Love [08:26]:** What would you do without us

**Mechanic of Love [08:26]:** Um excuse me

**Mechanic of Love [08:26]:** Just little old me here but

**Mechanic of Love [08:26]:** I’m the one who got Lexa to sit with us

**God of Love [08:27]:** Okay okay fine but I gave her my seat

**Mechanic of Love [08:27]:** I gave her your seat…

**Mechanic of Love [08:27]:** In fact, you made Clarke down a gross drink and belch like an animal in front of her

**God of Love [08:27]:** Whatever it’s not about who did what ok?

**Mechanic of Love [08:27]:** :-)

**God of Love [08:34]:** Claaaaaaaaaarke

**God of Love [08:46]:** Claaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrke

**God of Love [08:53]:** Clarkipoo where are yoooooo

**Mechanic of Love [08:53]:** O. stfu before I sit on you.

**God of Love [08:54]:** Oh no I’m sooo scared

**God of Love [08:54]:** Fight me ho

**God of Love [08:54]:** no don’t really nO I’M SORRY PLEASE

**Mechanic of Love [09:14]:** I won the fight btw Clarke

**God of Love [09:14]:** Liesssss

**God of Love [09:15]:** Oh Lincoln says hi as well

**Mechanic of Love [09:16]:** So does WICKED WICKKKKK

**Mechanic of Love [09:16]:** Sorry about that, he stole my phone.

Clarke looked up from her phone, it was just the usual Raven-Octavia banter, nothing urgent to get back to. But she did have some news…

**Hopeless Ho [10:17]:** Hey guys I broke my finger and then saw Lexa on the bus

**Hopeless Ho [10:17]:** Wait a sec why the fuck is my name Hopeless Ho

**Mechanic of Love [10:19]:** Lmao are you really asking Clarke?

**God of Love [10:19]:** CLARKE

**God of Love [10:19]:** WHAT HAPPENED WITH LEXA?????

**God of Love [10:19]:** Also r u ok I guess

**Hopeless Ho [10:20]:** Stuff. I saw her, we talked, we had the same lecture, I broke my finger… no biggie

**Hopeless Ho [10:20]:** Also I’m fine ty for ur concern

**Hopeless Ho [10:21]:** Wanna meet at lunch?

**God of Love [10:25]:** YES you can tell me everything that happened

**Mechanic of Love [10:26]:** Let’s eat lunch by that fountain thingy

**God of Love [10:27]:** Kk meet there at 1?

**Mechanic of Love [10:27]:** Well we should go buy lunch first right?

**Hopeless Ho [10:27]:** Ye

**God of Love [10:28]:** Ooooooh yeah….

**Mechanic of Love [10:28]:** You already have lunch?

**God of Love [10:29]:** Bellamy might have made me lunch………………..

**Mechanic of Love [10:30]:** Fuck me O, there’s being a protective brother, then there’s being a proTECtive brother

**God of Love [10:30]:** You wish, you couldn’t handle this ;-)

**God of Love [10:30]:** Also leave me alone ur just jealous

**Mechanic of Love [10:31]:** .

**Hopeless Ho [10:35]:** Damn O give Bell a break

**Hopeless Ho [10:35]:** Ok we’ll meet at the canteen at 1

**Hopeless Ho [10:35]:** Then sit by the fountain

**Hopeless Ho [10:35]:** See u guys at lunch

**God of Love [10:35]:** SEE YOU SOOONNNN  <3

Clarke shook her head and stood up from the chair.

“You’re good to go, sweetie,” Abby said, rubbing Clarke’s shoulder.

“Thanks mum, I’ll see you at home.”

“Have a good day, see you later!” Abby waved her off.

Clarke emerged from the nurse’s room, feeling a little lost as she still had almost an hour until her next class. She decided to go and sit in the library and read over the notes of her first lecture.

_I’m gonna be great this year. Organised, punctual, mentally stable, undistracted…_

Clarke glanced at her phone and thought of Lexa.

_Possibly._

Almost as if by magic, her phone vibrated and when she set aside her notes and checked her phone, she crossed “undistracted” off her list.

**Lexa Woods [10:47]:** Hello Clarke, I hope everything is okay with your finger.

It was such a simple text, but the fact that she even text made Clarke explode with happiness.

**Clarke Griffin [10:48]:** Hi Lexa! It’s all good, I’ve got a super cool cast now lucky me, do u get a lunch break?

**Lexa Woods [10:48]:** Yes I do, 1pm. Why?

**Clarke Griffin [10:49]:** Well ur welcome to come and have lunch with me O and Raven, we’re meeting at the canteen at 1 and then going to the fountain

**Lexa Woods [10:50]:** I would very much like to join you, is it okay if I meet you at the fountain? I have to do something first.

**Clarke Griffin [10:50]:** Of course, I’ll see u then! :-)

**Lexa Woods [10:51]:** See you soon, Clarke.

_Wow, she texts exactly like she speaks. At least this time I know I’m gonna see her._

**Chat:** _“OPERATION HOT COFFEE GURL”_

**Hopeless Ho [10:52]:** Lexa’s having lunch with us.

**Mechanic of Love [10:53]:** Called it

**God of Love [10:53]:** Ass

**God of Love [10:53]:** Also HELL YEAH now we can interrogate her

**Hopeless Ho [10:54]** : O be nice, and Raven, please control O

**God of Love [10:54]:** Wtf I don’t need controllin

**Mechanic of Love [10:54]:** You got it Clarke

**God of Love [10:54]:** Guys come on

**God of Love [10:55]:** Guuuyyyyyssssssss

**God of Love [10:57]:** Fine.

Clarke smiled, satisfied that Lexa wouldn’t be too terrified of her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just wrote this and it's 6am but I wanted to get something out as I won't be here for the weekend, so this is instead of Sunday's update.  
> Hope you guys are well, keep smiling :D


	4. Oh, Alcohol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, please enjoy!!!  
> WARNING: someone has a panic attack in this chapter, and there are mentions of past deaths just in case you wanted to know...

Lexa was making her way to the fountain after her little pit stop when she saw her. Just strolling around campus with some of her friends, as if nothing had happened.

Of course, it wasn’t _really_ her, but the resemblance had Lexa stop in her tracks and sit down by the side of the path. She was struggling to breathe and her vision had gone foggy, and all the memories of Costia came flooding back to her.

She placed her head between her knees and clasped her hands together in front of her, squeezing as hard as she could to hold on to something.

_It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault._

Lexa repeated the words to herself over and over, trying to calm down, but with each word she felt the lie behind it and decided saying nothing would be better.

Lexa could hear her calling her name again, calling for help that she couldn’t give, and she felt her heart breaking all over again.

“Lexa!”

Wait, this wasn’t Costia’s voice. This was someone who wasn’t yet associated with any of Lexa’s mistakes.

“Clarke…” she tried to call, but it came out as barely a whisper.

“Lexa, can you hear me? Is it okay if I touch you or do you need space? Just nod for yes or do nothing for no.”

Lexa mustered up all the strength she had left and gave a tiny nod, desperate for something to hold her to reality.

She felt Clarke sit in front of her and gently grasp her hands. Lexa held on tightly.

“Lex, it’s okay. I’m gonna be right here alright? You can hold my hands as tightly as you need, all I want you to do is keep breathing. I’m not gonna talk, just keep breathing and it’ll be better soon.” Clarke tried to comfort her, squeezing her hands to reassure her that she was staying.

Lexa took her time. Knowing someone was right there patiently waiting for her, she was able to slowly but surely regain her breathing.

When she finally felt ready, Lexa lifted her head from her knees and looked at Clarke through bleary eyes. She was met with such a soft smile and understanding eyes that she almost broke in two.

_She doesn’t know what I’ve done, what I am._

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” Clarke asked delicately.

“I’m… Better. Thank you, Clarke.” Lexa’s voice was shaky and she hated it, she didn’t like to appear vulnerable.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s what I would want someone to do for me. If you wanna talk about it then I’d be more than willing to listen, and if you don’t, then I’d also be willing to not listen. Whatever you need Lex.”

Lexa smiled – it was the second time Clarke had called her that. It’s what her sister called her as well, and what Costia had too.

“That means a lot Clarke, I think I’d rather not talk about it though.”

“That’s absolutely fine. So do you think you’re ready to come and have lunch with us?” Clarke asked.

“I think so,” Lexa replied, still holding on tightly to Clarke’s hands.

“You know you can say if you just wanna sit for a minute? There’s no rush Lexa.” Clarke squeezed her hands again.

“Maybe, just for a minute. Just until I get my breath back properly.” Lexa submitted.

Clarke smiled, and they sat together in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. When Lexa felt relatively normal, she gave a big sigh and looked at Clarke.

“I am ready now, thank you.”

“Anytime, Raven and O are just by the fountain. It’s just around the corner so it’s not far.”

Clarke released one of her hands from Lexa’s grip, but held on tightly to the other as she stood up. She motioned for Lexa to stand too and helped her up.

As they started walking, she still didn’t let go.

_Friends can hold hands._

“I don’t mean to be intrusive but…” Lexa tried to phrase what she was going to ask correctly, but Clarke heard the question before it had been asked.

“I’ve had panic attacks before, yeah. They started back when my dad died, then after… Anyway, I mean everyone deals with them differently but that’s just what I would have needed. I hope I didn’t make it worse?” Clarke asked, now concerned.

_She is so strong. It sounds like she’s been through so much, yet here she is asking me if I’m okay. I don’t deserve this._

“No not at all, your presence helped me a lot Clarke.” Lexa was truly grateful, not many people know how to handle situations like this.

They were approaching the fountain now, and as Clarke’s friends came into view, Lexa suddenly felt very aware of their hand-holding.

Clarke must have felt her tense, because she instantly let go of her hand. Lexa looked at her apologetically, but Clarke just shrugged.

“I get it,” she said.

The statement was meant to reassure Lexa, but instead she felt guilty. Clarke looked like she’d just been rejected, and as much as Lexa wanted to rectify her mistake, she couldn’t just grab her hand again. Things like that might come easily to Clarke, but to Lexa it would feel too much. It would be the beginning of the end.

“LEXA! HEY OVER HERE! LEXA, CLARKE, YO,” Octavia was standing up and shouting at them, waving her arms wildly even though they were about 10 metres away.

Clarke and Lexa watched as Raven grabbed Octavia’s arm, pulling her back down to the ground and putting a finger against her lips.

“Chill the fuck out O, they’re right there.”

Octavia sat down, quiet for now.

As the two girls approached, Lexa saw Raven murmur something that made Octavia guffaw. Something about Clarke, already having lunch? Lexa shrugged it off and sat next to Raven, while Clarke completed the square and sat between Lexa and Octavia. As she sat down, she noticed Raven’s outstretched legs, one of them enclosed in a brace

Raven noticed her gaze and enlightened Lexa, clearly used to questions.

“Yeah I’ve got a crappy leg, sucks but, you get used to it,” she smiled bravely at Lexa.

“I see, you must be very strong,” replied Lexa, unsure of what to say.

Her response seemed to satisfy Raven, and she moved on without a hitch.

“So what took you guys so long?” asked Raven, winking at Octavia.

Clarke shot Raven a warning glance.

“I wanted to make sure Lexa joined us so I went looking for her, she was busy,” Clarke explained.

Lexa looked gratefully at Clarke, and then remembered why she was late in the first place.

“Oh, that reminds me! I was late because I was whittling this for you,” Lexa said, reaching into her bag.

This time all three of the other girls looked at each other, completely bewildered.

“You… You whittled something for Clarke? As in like, whittled. Like, you carved something out of wood…” Octavia was trying to understand, whittling clearly wasn’t common around here.

“Yes,” replied Lexa simply. She withdrew a long piece of wood that appeared to have once been a twig, and which now had what looked like a mini hand carved onto the end.

“I broke my arm once, and my leg, and my wrist, and the most annoying thing about my injuries were the casts. You wouldn’t believe how itchy it gets under those things, so this is for yours, Clarke.” She handed the stick over to Clarke, who took it uncertainly.

She inspected it closely, admiring the detail. Lexa would never admit that she probably spent too much time perfecting the shape – in all honesty just a normal stick would’ve done the trick, even a spoon maybe. But she wanted to do it, for Clarke.

“Lex,” (Raven and Octavia gave each other that look again) “This is so sweet of you! You made this yourself? In like, the 10 minutes that you had between class and lunch?”

“Yes,” Lexa said.

“Honestly this is so cool, it’s such a good idea! Plus it looks so good, all the detail and stuff. You’re really talented,” Clarke complimented.

“Thank you, it was nothing really,” blushed Lexa.

Clarke passed it around, and while Octavia still looked completely flabbergasted by this whole concept, Raven looked seriously impressed.

“Wow, Lexa this is actually super cool. How’d you learn to do this kinda stuff?” she asked, very interested.

“My sister taught me back home, we went camping a lot.”

“Wait a sec, so you just happened to have a knife, ready for any whittling demands?” asked Octavia.

Lexa was uncomfortable, unsure if this was an attack or just an innocent question.

“Yes,” she hesitantly admitted.

“You seem very… organised?” Octavia almost asked.

Lexa nodded, while Clarke tested her new itch-er and pushed it under her cast.

“Oh. My. God. YES,” Clarke moaned. “That feels _so_ good.” She looked seriously at everyone, while Lexa blushed furiously at the sounds Clarke was making that were giving her _feelings_.

“Oops,” Clarke laughed when she got a few funny looks from the people around them. “But seriously thanks, this is gonna come in handy.”

“Very, HAND-y,” offered Raven, smirking at her own joke.

Octavia tutted and lifted an eyebrow at her disapprovingly while Lexa had to hide a grin.

“Don’t encourage her,” warned Octavia. “She’ll get an even bigger head.”

She made a sort of explosion with her hands which Raven grabbed and placed around her neck, almost forcing Octavia to hug her.

“Please. You know you love my pun mastery, don’t be jealous O.”

Octavia decided to play along, climbing over Raven and straddling her.

“You’re right, Raven. Your puns are sooooo good, they’re the reason I love you so much.”

Raven faltered for second, and Lexa saw her jokey smile waver. But before anyone else could notice, she was pushing Octavia off, mock insulted.

“You only love me for my puns?” She gasped and swooned. “I thought we had something more.”

Octavia shoved her playfully and laid across Raven’s outstretched legs, clearly remembering something she wanted to talk about.

“So, Lexa. My brother, Bellamy’s having this “social gathering”” she air quoted, “tonight which is basically gonna be a huge party, and you should totally come!” Octavia invited, while leaning across Raven.

_I do not do big groups. I can’t go to this. But it would be rude to refuse… I’ll have to come up with an excuse._

Picking up on her almost instant withdrawal, Octavia elaborated.

“Hey I mean it won’t be that huge, it’s just gonna be us guys and a couple of close friends. But it will definitely be fun,” she promised with an excited grin.

“Yeah and Clarke’s gonna be there too, I’m sure she’ll look after you,” Raven added with a wink.

Lexa heard a sharp intake of breath beside her, and then an “Ow what the hell Clarke?” from Octavia. She looked questioningly at Clarke, who shrugged and explained, “I couldn’t reach Raven.”

Octavia glared at her while Raven burst out laughing.

“Calm down princess, it was just a joke.”

“Don’t call me that,” Clarke said with a sigh.

“Oh right, sorry,” Raven apologised quickly.

“They’re right though,” Clarke moved on. “It will be fun and you can meet all our friends too. I’d really like you to come with me,” she nudged Lexa.

Lexa looked at Clarke’s puppy eyes and pleading smile.

_I’m screwed._

“Okay, I’ll go.”

* * *

The girls had all gone their separate ways, having arranged to meet later that night. Clarke had text Lexa all the info and was looking forward to introducing her to everyone.

**Chat:** _“OPERATION HOT COFFEE GURL”_

**God of Love [16:23]:** Nice to see ur girlfriend give you a hand ;) ;) ;)

**Mechanic of Love [16:23]:** Nice to see you still can’t make your own jokes

**God of Love [16:23]:** Heyyyyy :-(

**Mechanic of Love [16:23]:** Sh I’m in a lecture

**Mechanic of Love [16:23]:** Putting my phone on silent

**God of Love [16:23]:** :o

**God of Love [16:23]:** Rude.

**God of Love [16:24]:** So Clarke

**God of Love [16:24]:** I might have invited a couple more people

**God of Love [16:24]:** Who I told could bring friends

**God of Love [16:24]:** So maybe not just a couple of close friends

**Hopeless Ho [16:26]:** Octavia!!!!!!!

**Hopeless Ho [16:26]:** Lexa isn’t gonna like a big crowd

**God of Love [16:26]:** I’m sorry ok!1!!!1

**God of Love [16:27]:** I didn’t mean for it to happen but like

**God of Love [16:27]:** It just kinda sorta did

**God of Love [16:28]:** Look I’m sure Lexa will have fun with u anyway

**God of Love [16:28]:** Just go with the flow

**God of Love [16:28]:** You’ve got to trust it will go

**God of Love [16:29]:** If you just roll with the punches

**God of Love [16:29]:** Your guts

**God of Love [16:29]:** And your hunches

**Hopeless Ho [16:30]:** Octavia Blake if you start quoting lyrics at me I will hurt you

**God of Love [16:30]:** OKAY

**God of Love [16:30]:** Gosh

**God of Love [16:30]:** Everyone’s so miserable today

**[16:36]:** _God of Love changed the name of the chat to “Clarke needs to get laid”_

**Hopeless Ho [16:36]: -.-**

**God of Love [16:37]:** See you later guysssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

Lexa was nervous.

That was the understatement of the century, but maybe if she tricked herself into being confident she would be alright.

Maybe.

She looked at herself in the mirror critically.

Clarke had said to dress casual, not to bother getting dressed up as it was only friends “chilling” together.

Lexa had opted for dressing as casually as her wardrobe would let her, i.e. black skinny jeans and a grey, open sided shirt, finished off with her usual combat boots and a fitted leather jacket.

To be honest, this is what she would normally wear, except tonight she had applied some darker make-up that would be otherwise inappropriate in a formal setting. She had also delicately braided her hair in the way her sister used to do for her when she was small. She’d done it perfectly.

Giving herself a final once-over, she was finally satisfied that she looked good. Because Lexa was aware that she was pretty – not in a flaunting way, just in the way that you might be aware you have two hands, or ten toes. It was just a property.

Checking her phone for the thousandth time, Lexa discovered that she still had time to spare before she met the others outside. Octavia had offered to drive everyone even though it was only a ten minute walk.

Now she had nothing else to prepare, and Lexa was faced with the daunting task of filling time.

She knew she had to call her sister. They hadn’t spoken since she’d left, and Lexa had promised to call as soon as she arrived. So without the excuse of being busy to stop her, she picked up her phone, and pressed Anya’s contact picture.

Anya had chosen it herself – Lexa never bothered with contact pictures. It was an image of a black cat with a pink ribbon on its head, looking extremely unimpressed. It always made Lexa smile.

The phone picked up after just two rings.

“Took you long enough.”

Lexa was met with her usual blunt manner and took a deep breath, ready to apologise.

“Anya, I-“

“Lexa I’m just kidding, it’s nice to hear from you.”

Lexa released the breath she had been holding in relief. She didn’t know why she was so scared in the first place. If anyone understood Lexa, it was Anya.

“It’s good to talk to you again.”

“I bet, how’s it going up there? Seen mum and dad since they dropped you off with the grounders?” Anya enquired.

“What do you think?” Lexa responded.

“Figures. How about Lincoln, have you found him yet?”

“No.”

“Okay let me ask a different way, have you _tried_ to find him?”

“… No.”

“Also figures.” Anya sighed. “Lexa, you have to look after yourself. I know it’s hard, but you’re all alone up there and I don’t want to get a call from some uni official telling me you’ve gone insane from lack of human interaction.”

_I’m not totally incompetent, I can look after myself._

“Alright,” she replied, biting her tongue.

“I know that ‘alright’, Lexa. Find Lincoln. Make friends. Don’t just get sucked into your work.”

Lexa knew Anya was just looking out for her, talking from past experience, but the way she was talking down to her was really grating for some reason.

“I _have_ been making friends, Anya. And I haven’t looked for Lincoln because I just moved into this completely new place _two_ _fucking_ _weeks_ ago, and I’m just _trying_ to learn how to stand on my own two _feet_.”

Lexa’s voice cracked on the last word, but she was damned if she was going to cry. Lexa didn’t cry.

“Lex, hey I’m sorry I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you. I know it must be hard but I’m just trying to help. I’m glad that you’re making friends though, and you’ll get used to being on your own eventually,” Anya comforted her. “It’s in our blood.”

“I don’t want to get used to being alone,” replied Lexa quietly.

“I know, I know Lex. Just make sure you find a couple of close friends and don’t let anything tear you away from them, got it?”

Lexa sniffled, then nodded.

Realising that Anya most likely didn’t hear that, she gave a little hum in confirmation.

Anya’s voice grew sterner, “Lexa, I need you to promise me.”

Lexa rolled her eyes.

“I _promise_ Anya, I’ll stick with them.”

“Good stuff, now I’m not expecting a call every day but just make sure you check in with me every now and then, yeah?”

“Yeah, thanks Anya.”

“You got it kiddo, love ya,” Anya finished.

“Love you too.”

Lexa smiled and hung up the phone. Anya was good at giving tough love, but she also knew when Lexa needed a bit of just nice love too.

Taking Anya’s advice to heart, Lexa composed herself again, excited to see her new friends and even feeling ready to make new ones at this party tonight.

As if by magic, her phone gave a bleep and when Lexa checked it there was a message from a new group chat.

**[19:45]:** _Octavia added Lexa Woods to the group._

**[19:45]:** _Octavia changed the name of the chat to “GROUNDERS”_

**Octavia [19:45]:** Yo LEXA

**Octavia [19:45]:** We’re outside

**Octavia [19:45]:** Just come down when yr ready

**Raven [19:46]:** What I don’t get is why we didn’t meet inside

**Raven [19:46]:** I mean

**Raven [19:46]:** We all live in the same building

**Octavia [19:45]:** Practice makes perfect Raven

**Octavia [19:45]:** Practice makes perfecy

**Octavia [19:45]:** Dammit *perfect

**Raven [19:47]:** Yeah good one O

**Raven [19:47]:** Really showed your point

**Raven [19:47]:** What does that even mean anyway?

**Klark [19:47]:** Guys we’re literally all in the same car

**Klark [19:47]:** Why are you texting each other

**Klark [19:47]:** Lexa just ignore them, I’ll meet you at the bottom of the stairs whenever you’re ready :-)

Lexa started to make her way out, grabbing her bag as she dashed out the door. She didn’t want to keep them waiting. That, and she couldn’t wait to see Clar- she couldn’t wait to see them _all_ again.

As she went down, the conversation was continuing.

**Klark [19:48]:** Ok what the fuck guys

**Klark [19:48]:** Why is my name now Klark

**Klark [19:48]:** I preferred Hopeless Ho ngl

**[19:48]:** _Klark changed her name to Clarke_

**Octavia [19:48]:** Spoilsport.

Lexa was laughing to herself as she reached the bottom of the stairs, but choked when she looked up from her phone.

Looking at Clarke, her breath was genuinely taken away. She was dressed in leather jeans that fit her rather well paired with some biker boots, and a simple, white shirt that was unbuttoned to just above her chest. She wore an assortment of colourful bracelets, and her makeup was light and rosy.

_She looks…_

“Clarke, you look spectacular.” Lexa decided she would say it with confidence, because it was true, and Clarke deserved to hear it.

Clarke flushed red, accentuating her beautiful colour even more.

“So do you Lex, thanks,” she responded with an incredible smile.

They stood, just looking each other for a minute, before Clarke cleared her throat, indicating for Lexa to follow her outside.

“Raven called shotgun,” she noted sounding slightly bitter as they approached the car.

“Hey you snooze you lose, I can’t help my lightning reflexes,” countered Raven, hearing her through the open window.

“Yeah but you pushed me out of the way to get to the car, so it doesn’t really count,” Clarke murmured under her breath.

Lexa thanked Clarke who had opened the car door for her and sat down on the other side so Clarke wouldn’t have to walk around.

Once they were all safely buckled in, Octavia started driving.

“So Lexa, the party officially starts at eight, but no one’s gonna be there ‘til like nine-ish so you’ll have plenty of time to settle in,” Octavia informed her.

Lexa nodded to Octavia in the mirror, then gave Clarke a worried look and mouthed the word “party” questioningly to her.

“Sorry,” she mouthed back, giving a meaningful glance at Octavia and indicating that it was out of her control.

“Okay, we’re here!” Octavia said excitedly.

Lexa opened her mouth in shock, that was _it_? Clarke laughed at her, again looking at Octavia and rolling her eyes.

“Anywhere you have to walk is too far to walk according to O, she’d drive across campus if she could,” Clarke told Lexa.

“Hell yes I would, why not? I keep fit in other ways,” she said with a smirk.

As they walked up the drive, Raven noticed where Lexa’s eyes kept glancing and she caught up with Clarke.

“Good choice on the leather jeans,” she whispered, winking at her.

Knocking on the door, Octavia was almost bouncing with excitement. Clearly this wasn’t going to be a chilled out evening with close friends.

“O!” exclaimed the boy who opened the door. He had a friendly face, and cute, curly hair that made him look almost like a puppy. He enveloped Octavia in a hug, presenting a smile to the rest of the girls.

When he released her, he looked at Lexa and offered his hand with a friendly smile.

“I’m Bellamy,” he said. “If you’ve heard anything about me, don’t believe it.”

“Lexa,” she replied, grasping his hand and giving it a strong shake.

“Well, come on in guys. Make yourselves at home, the others should be here soon.”

Octavia bounded past him, straight into what was probably the living room, and jumped straight onto someone’s lap. From the way she was claiming his mouth with hers, Lexa deduced that this was her boyfriend.

Meanwhile, Raven walked over to another man that was leaning against the wall, and whose face lit up when he saw her.

“Raven, baby! Took your sweet time,” he said, pulling her into a hug and giving her a peck on the cheek.

_Another boyfriend._

“You know I like to keep you waiting,” she winked at him.

She waved for Lexa to come over, and introduced her.

“Lexa, this is Kyle, my boyfriend. Except everyone calls him Wick.”

“Why?” asked Lexa curiously.

“Because that’s his last name,” laughed Raven. “No secret meaning or anything, it just caught on.”

“Ah I see, pleased to meet you, Kyle.”

“Please, you can call me Wick,” he replied. “Kyle sounds weird now, like it’s my last name or something… It’s gone a bit backwards,” he laughed.

Lexa liked him, he had an instantly likable personality.

“Lexa, come meet my boyfriend!” Octavia called to her.

Lexa walked over to where said boyfriend was standing up, and as she took in his muscular figure and tattoos, she found herself taken aback by the second familiar face of the day.

“Lincoln!?” she gasped.

“Lexa!”

He grabbed her into a hug, then held her back as if to inspect her.

“You look well,” he said sincerely before letting her go.

“As do you,” Lexa returned.

“Anya warned me I might run into you somewhere.”

“You mean she told you to find me?” Lexa corrected, raising an eyebrow.

“Well,” Lincoln said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.

Lexa smiled at him, they’d clearly been given the same instructions.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Octavia asked, with everyone looking equally shocked around her.

“Yeah, we used to live in the same town! Lexa’s like a little sister to me,” he remarked with a fond smile.

“Wow that’s so crazy that you’ve ended up here together!” stated Octavia.

“It is,” agreed Lexa.

“Very cool. Can I put some music on now?” Raven asked Bellamy impatiently.

“Sure, just don’t put it on too loud,” he said seriously.

“Uh… It’s a party Bell. You want me to play some quiet music?” Raven asked sarcastically, glaring at him.

He maintained the eye contact for a while before laughing.

“Raven calm down, only students live around here, play it as loud as you want.”

Raven nodded, satisfied and put on some Spotify mix. No one could ever agree on music, so it was safer to just put on a variety. “As long as you can dance to it” was the rule, which really didn’t narrow it down at all since you _could_ dance to anything, but it suited everyone.

“Drinks in the kitchen, toilet is upstairs, like I said make yourselves at home, just please don’t puke inside. There’s a garden if you need to.” Bellamy set the rules straight, then started catching up with Octavia.

“Drink?” asked Clarke, nodding her head to the kitchen.

“Sure,” accepted Lexa.

They wandered into the kitchen together, Clarke flicking on the light as she passed the switch.

“So,” she said. “It seems you’ve got more friends here than you thought.”

Clarke produced a bottle of cider, which Lexa accepted gratefully as she got one for herself too.

“Yes it does. It’s so nice to see Gustus and Lincoln again.”

“I bet,” Clarke nodded, waiting for Lexa to continue.

“So, Bellamy’s a student too?” asked Lexa, moving on instead. She knew that Clarke noticed, but she wasn’t ready for this yet.

“Yeah, he’s a few years older but he’s stayed on to do some work placement with Polis. By the way, what are you studying? I know we had Psychology together but, I didn’t see you in anything else.”

“I’m studying political science, fascinating stuff as you can imagine. What about you?”

Clarke smiled at her sarcasm.

“Medicine,” she replied, not sounding very enthusiastic. Then again, nor had Lexa.

“Do you not enjoy medicine?” queried Lexa.

“It’s not that, in fact I love it, helping people and all that stuff. It just feels a bit forced, y’know? Like, my mum’s a nurse at Polis now, but she used to be a doctor and she always raised me to be one too – like I never had a choice.”

“I understand, Clarke. But if it is something you enjoy, regardless of your mother’s opinion, then you are definitely doing the right thing,” Lexa reassured her.

“Yeah,” smiled Clarke.

* * *

They had been talking for a while, mostly about Clarke thanks to Lexa, and people had been filling up the space around them.

Everyone, including the two girls, was getting steadily drunk. This was usually the time Lexa would leave a party – when people started doing body shots and random people were making out in various corners. But, she didn’t want to. The alcohol had her slightly buzzing, and she felt at ease with Clarke keeping her company.

She had learned lots of little things about Clarke, and each of them built up a clearer image of this ray of sunshine that had jumped into her life.

Clarke liked to paint – in fact she loved to paint, claiming it was her favourite pastime. Lexa preferred to admire art, not being so skilled with a paintbrush. Clarke favoured summer to winter, because everyone is happier when the sun is out; she liked to cycle, but hated going to the gym; she always carried a pack of peppermint gum, because “you’ve gotta be prepared for anything”.

With every new thing Lexa learned about Clarke, she was more and more excited about getting to spend her time at uni with her. It made her feel like maybe this wasn’t going to be as difficult as she’d thought.

Octavia unexpectedly squealed past them and Lincoln chased after her. Clarke noticed the way Lexa smiled dazedly at the man, as if lost in memories.

“So, Lincoln and Gustus. Reunited with both of them in one day, that’s sluper cool for you,” Clarke prodded Lexa’s arm, trying again now they’d both had a bit to drink.

“Yes, Clarke, sluper cool,” Lexa laughed at Clarke’s slurring.

“Shhhh. So you guys were close?” Clarke asked, trying to get to know Lexa a little better. Lexa knew what she was doing, and decided to take a shot at this whole “getting to know each other” thing.

“Yes. We lived in a pretty small town where everyone knows everyone and nothing ever happens. Gustus was a local shopkeeper, but he was more like an uncle. He was always coming round and checking in on us. My sister, Anya and I lived with our parents, though we barely ever saw them. Lincoln was in the same year at school as Anya, and they became good friends. Anya always looked out for me, so I got to know Lincoln too.” She took a gulp of her drink, hoping to loosen up the words a little. “We had another friend… Costia.”

She saw Clarke’s eyes flash, though with what she wasn’t sure.

“Costia and I were, close. We were the same age, so when Anya and Lincoln would go off together, we would have our own adventures. We were, we were best friends,” Lexa reminisced, taking another drink. “Last year, um… Last year-“

“Lexa it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” Clarke tried to comfort Lexa, placing a hand on hers.

Lexa shook her head and cleared her throat.

“No, you would find out eventually, why not now? Last year, Costia and I were involved in a car crash. I made it out with a few broken limbs, but, but,” Lexa couldn’t finish. The words physically wouldn’t come out.

Clarke took Lexa into a hug and Lexa knew she understood. She knew what had happened.

“I’m so sorry Lex, that must’ve been so difficult. It must _be_ so difficult.”

Lexa couldn’t reply, she just nodded and looked down at the floor.

Clarke gently lifted her chin with her hand and looked into her eyes.

“Lexa, if you ever need anything, and I mean _anything_ at all, you come to me. Okay? I’ll be right here for you no matter what.”

“Thank you, Clarke,” Lexa was able to whisper out.

“Y’know, I lost someone special to me last year as well.”

“Your boyfriend,” Lexa remembered.

Clarke nodded.

“We weren’t together long but, it felt special at the time, like we were meant to be. Only, he lost his way. Became extremely overprotective. Finn wouldn’t even let me see Bellamy without him supervising. So I broke it off with him, and the next day he’d been killed in a hit and run,” Clarke finished with tears glistening in her eyes. “Every day I wonder if I hadn’t broken up with him, maybe-“

“No Clarke, it wasn’t your fault.” Lexa looked at her, shocked. “You cannot blame yourself for the carelessness of others. What happened was a tragedy, nothing more and nothing less.”

She couldn’t stand to see Clarke blaming herself for something so devastating, so with blood pounding in her ears and a little liquid courage, Lexa reached out and grabbed Clarke’s hands.

_Just like a friend would do._

Clarke looked up at her, noticing the gesture was big for Lexa, and moved closer.

“Clarke,” Lexa warned, knowing all too well the combined effect of grief and alcohol never led to good actions.

But Clarke was so close now, and she was staring at her lips.

_I can’t do this. Not again._

Now she was standing on tiptoes, and Lexa could feel Clarke’s breath on her skin.

Clarke looked up into Lexa’s eyes, making her inhale sharply and hold her breath. Clarke’s deep, blue eyes were truly beautiful. Even bloodshot and filled with tears, Lexa was lost.

Then Clarke’s lips captured her own, and Lexa’s eyes fluttered closed in a moment of pure bliss.

But Lexa was sober enough to know that she couldn’t do this. Especially not now when both of them were so broken and so vulnerable.

So she pulled her lips away, keeping her eyes closed.

“I can’t,” she whispered, squeezing Clarke’s hands tightly. “I’m sorry.”

Clarke stepped back, pulling her hands out of Lexa’s and using them to wipe her eyes.

“No, I’m sorry,” she stuttered, then turned and walked away.

_What the fuck did I just do?_

* * *

 

Lexa was back in her room, having walked the oh so tiring 5 minute walk back home. Maybe it was a 10 minute walk at Octavia’s pace, but Lexa managed.

After Clarke had walked away, Lexa had looked around at the sea of unknown faces and had to leave. She found Raven and let her know she was going home, and yes, she would be fine, yes, she would text as soon as she arrived, and no, nothing was wrong.

But it was all wrong.

She shot off a text to Raven letting her know she was safe, before getting dressed into her pyjamas and sinking into her bed.

She lay awake just staring at the ceiling, wondering what she should have done differently. Lexa had bared her soul to Clarke, and she had done the same. They were just two girls captured in each other’s sorrow, and it was only natural to find comfort in that.

But Lexa didn’t want to take advantage of Clarke. She had offered her nothing but support, and this was how Lexa repayed her?

But, Clarke had kissed Lexa first…

No. That didn’t matter. Lexa was right to stop the kiss before it got out of hand, because it would have. Quickly.

Lexa was attracted to Clarke, there was no point in denying it anymore, but she didn’t want to be more than friends. That would just make things complicated, and it would be difficult to keep Clarke close if they ever broke up. Lexa couldn’t risk losing someone special to her again. Whatever the cost.

Lexa stopped her brain for a moment, because she could hear sobbing. She wasn’t crying, was she? Sure, she was still slightly drunk, but she would’ve noticed something like that…

As the wailing sound got louder, Lexa became certain that it wasn’t her. This was the sound of a very drunk girl, stumbling her way to her room.

_Hurry up and be quiet. I want to sleep._

Tiredness shortened Lexa’s temper greatly, that and the knowledge that she’d have to be up early in order to get to class on time. Whose idea was it to go to a party on a Monday night anyway?

The pitiful weeping sound was dying down now, thankfully.

Except now there was an awful scratching sound instead, it sounded like a blunt knife trying to saw through plastic.

_I swear…_

There was a clunk outside as something hit the floor, another sob, and then the sound of something sliding against the door.

_That is it._

Fuming, Lexa put on her slippers, stormed over to her door and wrenched it open. Quietly wrenched it of course, she wouldn’t want to disturb anyone.

As she looked to her right, she found her neighbour slumped against the door, weeping into their hands. And really, after the day she’d had, she should’ve known that Clarke was living next door to her.

Instantly, all Lexa’s anger dissipated.

Seeing Clarke looking so defeated, devoid of her usual charm and bubbliness, it was scary. It was heart-breaking.

Lexa knelt down next to her and placed an arm around Clarke’s shoulder while offering a hand to her. She was able to lift her up so she was standing, and Lexa took Clarke’s keys. She opened the door with much greater ease than Clarke thanks to her un-blurry eyes, and together they half-walked half-stumbled into her room.

Lexa gently placed Clarke down onto her bed, then went back to close the door. Walking back over, she looked around at the messy room. There were clothes everywhere, and an assortment of arty supplies on her desk.

What caught Lexa’s eye however, was a magnificent painting of the ocean. No beach, just pure ocean for miles and miles, with a beautiful sunset above. There must have been every single shade of blue in the picture, and it was all perfectly accented by the orangey red glow of the sun.

_It’s almost like looking into her eyes._

She heard a soft hiccup to her side, and discovered that Clarke was more awake now, aware of her surroundings.

“L- Lexa?” she looked at her, with an adorably puzzled face.

“It’s me, Clarke. It appears we’re neighbours,” Lexa explained. “I heard someone outside and wanted to check if they were okay. Are you?”

Clarke looked at her, and suddenly burst into tears again.

Lexa felt awkward standing up just watching her, so she went to sit beside Clarke and tentatively placed a hand on her back, hoping she was some comfort.

“I, I kissed someone I didn’t want to kiss,” Clarke spluttered out.

Lexa was taken aback by this admission. This was what she had expected, of course. But it still hurt to hear. She couldn’t have been that bad though, surely?

“I am, sorry Clarke. I never meant for you to feel pressured or uncomfortable,” Lexa apologised sincerely.

“No!” Clarke almost shouted. “Not you, I _wanted_ to kiss you. But _you_ didn’t want to kiss _me_ , so I kissed… I kissed Bellamy,” she confessed, another wave of tears overcoming her. “And now I’ve screwed everything up.”

Lexa had to stop her insides from flipping when she heard Bellamy’s name, because Clarke was seriously upset by this.

“Clarke, I’m sure you didn’t do anything you can’t fix. Bellamy will understand, when everyone has sobered up things will seem clearer in the light of day. There is no need to worry,” Lexa reassured her, leaving out the fact that she very much did want to kiss Clarke.

Clarke looked at her through watery eyes, and Lexa couldn’t stop herself from wiping her tears away with her thumbs.

“Lexa, I’m so sorry,” she hiccupped softly. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“That’s okay Clarke, please don’t apologise.” Lexa wanted to stop the conversation.

_I get the point Clarke, you regret it. And now you’re not sure if we can be friends because it would be too awkward. And I’ll have to start all over again, again._

“Lexa,” Clarke said, and Lexa really wished Clarke would stop saying her name so tenderly, and she _really_ wished Clarke would stop staring at her lips.

“Clarke.” Lexa stated her name, and lifted her chin. “I understand. You were caught up in the moment. You wanted to feel close to someone so you accidentally kissed me, and now you’re regretting it. It’s o-kay,” she stated, trying to emphasise her point.

But now Clarke looked confused.

“What, no! I don’t regret it at all Lexa!” she looked heatedly at her. “I’ve wanted to kiss you all day, and sure I was drunk but that only gave me the confidence to do it. You’re the one who stopped it, so I thought you didn’t like me in that way,” she finished dejectedly.

Lexa was speechless, open-mouthed in astonishment.

So she _did_ like Lexa!

But… that didn’t change the fact that Lexa was not ready for a relationship and all the added weight that came with it. Friendship was hard enough, romantic relationships just added unnecessary pressure.

“Clarke, I mean, of course I like you in that way! But-“

“Please don’t say but,” pleaded Clarke.

And she leaned forwards, pressing her lips against Lexa’s again.

This time, Lexa’s resolve broke. She wanted Clarke so badly, and here she was spilling her feelings and sealing them with kisses that made Lexa want to melt.

So she kissed her back.

All Lexa could taste was peppermint, and she could smell some kind of flowery shampoo. Clarke placed a hand around the back of Lexa’s neck, pulling her closer, and she was gone. All thoughts of stopping were blown away, because why on earth would she want to stop this?

When Clarke teased Lexa’s lips with her tongue, Lexa only too happily obliged, opening her mouth and starting a battle for dominance.

Clarke leaned over Lexa, pushing her down against the bed while climbing on top of her. When she was straddling Lexa, Clarke pulled her shirt over her head, revealing herself.

Lexa admired her body in amazement, taking in every inch with her hungry eyes.

“Clarke,” she whispered. “You’re so beautiful.”

Clarke blushed, leaning down to reunite their lips. She moved her head down, kissing across Lexa’s jaw, before continuing onto her neck, now sucking and biting lightly against Lexa’s pulse point and making her let out a small moan of pleasure. Clarke blew softly against the mark she had made and began to kiss further down Lexa’s neck.

“Clarke,” Lexa breathed.

Lexa was losing it. Clarke was all over her, and her mind was becoming almost incapable of any rational thought. She knew she had to put a stop to this before it went too far. It had already gone too far, but this could just be explained as a drunken mistake in the morning. She couldn’t let it get _too_ too far.

“Clarke,” she tried again, more firmly this time.

Clarke pushed herself up, looking worriedly at Lexa.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked.

“No, not at all,” Lexa almost laughed. “But, you didn’t let me finish my ‘but’ before.”

Clarke sat back on Lexa’s legs and huffed.

“But, you just wanna be friends, right?” she asked, sounding crushed.

Lexa nodded.

“Clarke, you are so beautiful in every single way, but I don’t want to mess things up. First of all, we hardly know each other,” she stated matter-of-factly. It was the truth, they’d only just met today, but she felt like she’d know this girl her entire life already. “Secondly, I’m not ready for another relationship, and I’m not sure you are either. And finally, we have to spend at least the next year together. Relationships are messy, and I don’t want to hurt you,” she finished, emphasising the last part.

Clarke nodded rigidly and climbed off her, looking sadly at Lexa through teary eyes again. She hated that she was the cause of those tears, but Lexa was sure Clarke would understand given a little time.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Lexa assured Clarke as she stood up.

Clarke just sniffed in response and laid down on her bed, turning to face the wall.

Lexa rushed to the door, taking off a slipper as she did and placing it so the door wouldn’t close. She went into her room and grabbed two ibuprofen tablets from her drawer, then filled up a glass of water in her bathroom and ran back into Clarke’s room, reclaiming her slipper.

Clarke was already asleep judging from the sound of her snores.

_She must have been absolutely wasted. What did I do? I let her… I hope she can forgive me for taking advantage of her. That was completely inappropriate._

_And completely incredible._

_No!_

Lexa snapped herself out of her thoughts and turned her attention to the person that was occupying them instead. Clarke was sprawled out on the covers, all her clothes on except for the shirt she removed earlier. Her head was turned away from the wall now, and one hand hung off the side of the bed. She was _adorable_.

Lexa, trying to be as quiet as possible, placed the tablets and water on Clarke’s bedside table. She then found a blanket that was at the end of the bed and rested it over Clarke, making sure to cover every limb.

She then hesitated, feeling slightly creepy. But she probably wouldn’t get the chance again…

Lexa leaned over Clarke and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, like her sister used to do every night when she was younger.

She made sure Clarke was tucked in, then turned off all the lights and closed the curtains.

_Have I made a mistake?_

Lexa took one last look at her before she left and decided that she hadn't. If this was the cost of ensuring Clarke would stay with her, then she would take it. Having Clarke as a friend was a blessing enough, there was no need to spoil it.

“Sweet dreams, Clarke,” she whispered, before turning and closing the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know, I'm a terrible person. But who knew this writing malarkey would take up so much time?! It turns out I'm not as good at juggling things as I thought, so maybe my schedule isn't going to work out.  
> HOWEVER, there is nothing sadder to me than an unfinished fanfic, so be reassured that there will always be another update until I've finished - subscribe if you want to be updated when I do get around to adding more.  
> Thank you for being so patient and supportive, hope you enjoyed this chapter!!!!!


	5. The Day After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry... it's been a while.  
> So this is just a taster of what's to come, I can't believe I left it so long but life stuff you know?  
> But I did promise there would be another update eventually!!!

Clarke woke up with the biggest hangover in her life.

Why why _why_ had her friends let her drink so much? Honestly, it was a miracle she was even conscious at, what time was it? Looking at her phone (and wincing at the awful, evil bright light), she saw it was 9am.

Nine. In the morning.

_Why?_ Clarke cried to herself, rubbing her hands rigorously on her face.

She returned her gaze to the phone, and found the culprit who had woken her up.

**Lexa Woods [09:05]:** Hello Clarke, I hope you’re feeling better today. I’d like to talk in person if you have a moment later, see you soon.

Now _that_ was cute. A morning text from her crush, maybe this day wasn’t going to be so bad.

That was super sweet of Lexa as well, checking up on her. Although, it did make Clarke wonder how bad she was last night…

Groaning, Clarke pushed her hair out from her face and turned her gaze around her room. It was messy, but a sort of organised mess. Well, to the untrained eye it was just messy, but to Clarke it was perfect. _She_ knew exactly where everything she owned was, so what was the problem?

Her gaze caught the glass of water and the tablets next to it on her bedside table. Had she been so forward thinking last night? Come to think of it, her curtains were closed too, and she was warmly cocooned into a blanket… Yet she still wore most of her clothes.

Clarke was puzzled. It was like she had been half-put to bed.

Shaking her head – and then instantly regretting it – Clarke downed the tablets and water, hoping to whoever was watching over her that it was a painkiller, and not something else. She then fired off a text to Lexa that yes, of course she would see her later and of course they could talk, “ _hope everything’s alright! x”._ There were some messages on the group chat as well she decided to catch up on.

**Chat: “** _Clarke needs to get laid”_

**Mechanic of Love [08:12]:** Clarke tell me you’re still alive

**Mechanic of Love [08:12]:** Please

**Mechanic of Love [08:12]:** I was way too drunk and I definitely shouldn’t have let you walk back alone

**Mechanic of Love [08:15]:** CLARKE

**Mechanic of Love [08:15]:** PLEASESESEEEEEE

**Mechanic of Love [08:15]:** Clarke Griffin you piece of shit you had better be passed out on your bed or at least your floor because if you’re dead I swear to every deity above that I will kill you.

**Mechanic of Love [08:18]:** Dw Lexa told me you’re fine

**Mechanic of Love [08:18]:** Also I know O would be concerned if she was conscious but y’know it’s 8 in the morning so

**Mechanic of Love [08:18]:** She’s not

**Mechanic of Love [08:19]:** Lemme know when ur up because we have some srs shit to talk about

_Fuck. What serious shit? Also how does Lexa know I’m fine?_

Tentatively, Clarke replied.

**Hopeless Ho [09:10]:** Yo Raven thanks for looking out for me, I don’t really remember much but, I’m alive!!! So it’s all chill.

**Mechanic of Love [09:12]:** Finally

**Mechanic of Love [09:12]:** I think we should talk in person rather than via chat

**Hopeless Ho **[09:12]:** ** Sounds serious :P

Clarke sent the text jokingly, hoping to get an equally jokey response, because whenever someone says they need to talk Clarke’s heart expands into her throat.

**Mechanic of Love [09:12]:** Meet for coffee at 10

_Dammit. Not jokey._

**Hopeless Ho [09:13]:** Sure…

Clarke was now terrified, as any other normal person would feel after a somewhat fuzzy night and multiple people asking to talk seriously.

She didn’t have uni until 12 today, so for now she decided to have a quick shower, throw on a hoodie and some jeans, and wear a very subtle pair of sunglasses to hide her very, _very_ tired eyes.

_Okay. Maybe today_ is _going to be bad after all…_

* * *

Clarke arrived at The Woods’ by 10:07; not too shabby but she had already demolished her chances of being a “prompt person” after just a day. Oh well, it’s not like she had voiced her promise to anyone, so it was all good.

As she walked in, she spotted Raven sat at a table with two cups of coffee **.**

_Bit greedy._

“Bit greedy,” she decided to voice as she approached.

“Clarke, sit. It’s for you,” Raven clarified with a sigh.

“Oh,” Clarke replied quietly. Raven looked tired and Clarke was nervous because at this point Raven would’ve hit her over the head or something.

“Raven, what did I do last night? And where’s O?”

Raven blew out a puff of air before she began, giving Clarke a sympathetic look.

“Okay so I don’t know exactly what happened, and I wanna make clear that I have absolutely no judgement. Y’know, they’re both very attractive and great and we’d all had a drink and it’s not that bad, but O isn’t here because she might get a little… Anyway-”

“Raven spit it out,” Clarke was extremely scared now, Raven didn’t babble.

“Basically you made out with Lexa and Bellamy,” Raven revealed, sitting back in her chair and folding her arms.

Clarke’s mouth fell open in horror. What had she _done_? She had totally embarrassed herself. She had kissed Octavia’s _brother_ , and _Lexa. Lexa._

_I kissed Lexa. On her lips. With my lips. Lexa Woods._

_Fuck._

A crush is all well and good if you can keep it under wraps and not make a fool out of yourself, but when you get wasted and kiss them and _then_ black out and totally forget about it? That’s kind of a problem.

“Shit,” was all Clarke could reply with.

“Look, like I said, it’s not that bad alright?” Raven tried to comfort Clarke. “Honestly, I saw it happen but I mean… I’m sure O will be fine. She of all people knows what alcohol does to people. And Bellamy – well everyone knows Bellamy’s had a thing for you for ages so it’s no big shock. It’s gonna be _fiiiiiiiiiiiine_ ,” she stressed, placing a comforting hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke merely nodded. Octavia and Bellamy were some of her best friends, of course they were going to be fine. In comparison, first impressions were hard to forget and it seemed like she had made a rather messy one with Lexa.

Raven noticed her still-pained expression and the realisation hit her of what Clarke was really worried about.

“Hey, Lexa seems smart and chill. I’m sure you two can just talk and work it out. Loads of people make out, it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

_But what if it did mean something? What if I wanted it to mean something?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, just a little taster.  
> I'm hoping to get a full chapter out pretty soon, so keep an eye out!  
> Hope you're okay :-)


	6. The Day After (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much carrying on from the last little chapter  
> Idk if I'm happy with how this one turned out, but once I get to the actual Clexa stuff I think we'll be back on track

Clarke was freaking out.

She had interrogated Raven for every little bit of information she had, but all she really knew was that she had kissed Lexa, Lexa had pulled away, and Clarke had started crying and gone to Bellamy for comfort. Being in an incredibly vulnerable state, she had sought out _something_ to make her feel better, though she wasn’t quite sure what. And this had resulted in her kissing Bellamy.

According to Raven, he had seen that Clarke was upset and stopped the kiss, then gone to Raven and explained what had happened, and that he “didn’t want it like this”. At which point, Raven had found Clarke crying to herself in the garden, tried to calm her down, and agreed that she could go home as long as she text her as soon as she arrived.

Which of course she hadn’t, but that had all been worked out at least.

And now Clarke understood what Lexa wanted to talk to her about. Which is why at this particular moment, Clarke was freaking the _fuck_ out.

As much as she had wanted to go home, curl into a ball and rethink her life choices, Clarke had arranged to meet Lexa for lunch again. What was she supposed to say? _Hey Lexa, I’m so sorry that I kissed you last night, except that I’m not really sorry because you’re super hot and I think you’re amazing even though I’ve known you for all of one day._ Yeah, that sounds perfect.

Clarke slugged through the last 15 minutes of her lecture just looking at the clock, as if it were counting down her final minutes to live. As soon as they were dismissed, she shot out of her seat and made her way towards the canteen to grab lunch.

She was pretty sure that yesterday Lexa had brought her own lunch, so she’d have to be quick. As much as she’d like to delay the conversation that was about to happen, she was still excited to see Lexa again.

Glancing around as she arrived, Clarke spotted that beautiful, curly hair and impeccable posture and made her way over to Lexa. She was sitting on one of the benches nearby, legs crossed and paper bag to one side. Judging by the absent look in her face and the way the fingers on her hand were tapping the bench, she was stressed.

“Hey, Lex….a,” Clarke added at the end, feeling that nicknames weren’t going to be appropriate at the moment.

Lexa looked up suddenly, brought out of her reverie by Clarke’s voice.

“Clarke,” she acknowledged as she stood up, indicating Clarke to sit down.

As they sat down together, Clarke had to hide a smile. _She is ridiculously polite._

“Sooo…” she started off awkwardly.

“I’m sorry that I-“

“I wanted to apologise for-“

They both broke off to allow the other to talk, and when neither did Clarke chuckled and Lexa offered a small smile.

“After you, Clarke.”

And now that Clarke was here, with Lexa and those eyes just waiting patiently for her, she was trying to remember why she was apologising.

“Lexa,” Clarke started. “I was a total mess last night, and I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that. But I feel like I totally jumped the gun and put you in a really uncomfortable position. We were drunk and you were there being all lovely and saying all those sweet things and I just feel really bad for taking advantage like that. I shouldn’t have kissed you, and I definitely shouldn’t have left you on your own afterwards just because I was embarrassed. I’m glad you made it home okay though, Raven mentioned that you were back and somehow knew that I was back too? Anyway, I am so, so sorry and I hope we can be friends after all this…” Clarke trailed off slowly, trying to gauge Lexa’s reaction.

It seemed that Lexa’s face had gone from patient, to confused, and then to hurt if Clarke wasn’t mistaken. Had she not apologised properly?

“Lexa?” she prompted cautiously, placing a hand on hers.

Lexa flinched at the contact, and it was as if a mask had slid over her face. She was smiling stiffly at Clarke, and moved her hand to hold her lunch bag on her lap instead.

“Clarke, there’s no need to apologise. I completely understand. And yes, I told Raven you were safe as it appears we live next to each other. I helped you inside when you got back.” The mask faltered slightly as she asked, “Do you not remember?”

Clarke furrowed her brows as she tried to think back, and thought she’d pieced it together.

“Oh!” she exclaimed as Lexa looked at her hopefully. “You left the tablets and water by my bed right? I was wondering how they got there, thought I’d had some strange kind of reverse robbery…”

Lexa gave her another smile as she nodded, but Clarke wasn’t convinced.

“Raven had to fill me in on what happened last night,” Clarke admitted. “Alcohol kinda removes my filter which is why I try not to drink much, but I was having so much fun so… I got a bit inappropriate.”

“It’s fine.”

“Okay so, we’re all good? No more alcohol or awkward encounters right, just normal friends.” Clarke stated, just to make sure they were okay.

Lexa hummed her approval as she began to eat her lunch, and they spent the next 15 minutes in silence until Lexa stood to leave.

“Oh, uh,” said Clarke, surprised by her sudden movement. “I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah. Have a good day, Clarke.” Lexa bid her farewell and walked away.

Clarke was totally bemused, it was almost as if her apology had made things worse. She voiced her confusion on the group chat as she made her way to the library.

**Chat:** _“Clarke needs to get laid”_

**Hopeless Ho [13:47]:** Guys

**Hopeless Ho [13:47]:** I think I just made things even more awkward with Lexa

**Mechanic of Love** **[13:49]:** What happened??

**Hopeless Ho [13:49]:** I’m not rly sure tbh…

**Hopeless Ho [13:50]:** I apologised for being a mess basically and she accepted

**Hopeless Ho [13:50]:** But then she kinda went all silent and then just left

**God of Love** **[13:51]:** She was prob just tired or something man

**Mechanic of Love** **[13:51]:** Yeah don’t worry about it

**Mechanic of Love** **[13:51]:** Some people just inappropriately kiss their friends when they’re drunk…………

**Mechanic of Love** **[13:52]:** We all get over it

**God of Love** **[13:52]:** Hey what can I say, you were lookin’ fine

**Mechanic of Love** **[13:54]:** Girl I always look fine.

**God of Love** **[13:55]:** True that ;-)

**Hopeless Ho [13:55]:** Okay thanks so much for your help guys

**Mechanic of Love** **[13:56]:** Lmao sorry Clarke

**Mechanic of Love** **[13:56]:** Look I’m sure you’ll go back to normal next time you see each other

**God of Love** **[13:56]:** Plus can I just say

**God of Love** **[13:56]:** You only met yesterday

**God of Love** **[13:57]:** For all you know she’s always like this

**Mechanic of Love** **[13:57]:** Tru

**Mechanic of Love [13:57]:** We’re gonna meet so many other people you can make uncomfortable too don’t worry

**Hopeless Ho [13:57]:** I hate you.

**Mechanic of Love** **[13:58]:** Always here for support babe xo

Even though they were trying to make her feel better, Clarke knew they didn’t understand. Sometimes you just meet someone and you _click_. It’s inexplicable to everyone else, but you can feel in your bones that this person is meant to be in your life.

So Clarke decided to tread carefully with Lexa. No sudden movements, and definitely no more kissing. _Unless_ she _wants to kiss_ me. _No. We’re going to be friends, and I’m going to stop thinking about her eyes and her lips and her… Right, starting now._

_Okay, now._

* * *

Lexa walked away from Clarke feeling empty.

So she had forgotten everything.

Lexa knew it shouldn’t hurt this much, but it did. She should be relieved that Clarke had forgotten their admissions of feelings for each other, didn’t that eliminate the very problem that she was trying to solve last night anyway?

Every time she thought of last night, visions of Clarke climbing onto her and Clarke taking off her shirt and Clarke kissing her… they all clouded her mind. That was why she had gone to apologise to Clarke, to say sorry for letting things get out of control. Not to say sorry for her feelings.

But Clarke had made it clear once again that her actions were fuelled by drink and grief. And she had said again that _she_ had been the one to take advantage of _Lexa_. _And_ she had completely forgotten the end of the night while that was all Lexa could see when she closed her eyes. Which meant she really didn’t know that Lexa had feelings for her.

Once she had realised this, Lexa had to shut down the part of her that cared. It reminded her exactly why she hadn’t allowed herself to get close to anyone since _her_.

_Love is weakness. And weakness tears you apart._

Lexa came to the same conclusion as she had last night – she and Clarke would remain as friends only. The only difference today was that she knew both of their feelings while Clarke was oblivious. So Lexa would just keep quiet. That shouldn’t be too difficult, and it would be easier to keep Clarke close as she had promised Anya, no messy feelings in the way.

And quite simply – or so she thought – Lexa put those feelings in a box, and moved on.

* * *

The next few weeks passed without incident.

In fact, they passed without much of anything happening.

Clarke was bored. She was bored of the ridiculous workload she had, she was bored of being a fifth wheel when she hung out with Raven and O and their boyfriends, and most of all she was bored of not seeing Lexa.

They had cleared the air, yet Clarke only ever saw Lexa occasionally in the canteen or in the psychology lecture they shared together. She would always smile and say a small “hello”, but this wasn’t what Clarke had pictured when they’d agreed to be friends. Clarke never even saw her in the communal kitchen area their floor of accommodation shared, which meant she either didn’t ever cook for herself, or was eating at abnormal times. Lexa was avoiding her, and Clarke didn’t know why.

It was a Thursday, almost 3 weeks since their first day, and Clarke was sitting with Raven and Octavia in her bedroom. Raven was laying on Clarke’s bed, her legs resting on Octavia’s lap as she massaged Raven’s injured leg. Clarke was sitting on the floor, staring into space.

“Mmm,” Raven hummed contentedly, eyes closed. “Have I told you how much I love you recently, O?”

“You could stand to mention it more,” she replied, laughing softly.

Raven opened her eyes and raised an eyebrow at Octavia.

“Babe, what’s up?” she asked.

Clarke laughed internally. The two girls had such an intense bond it was as if they were the same person. They were ridiculously in sync, and always knew what was on the others’ mind.

Octavia gave her a serious look as Clarke snapped out of her daydream to pay attention.

“Lincoln told me he loved me last night,” she released, letting out a breath of relief. It had clearly been weighing on her.

“Oh my gosh! That’s amazing!” Clarke said supportively.

“Yeah it’s uh… great…” Octavia tailed off.

“Wait, what’s the problem? You don’t seem super happy about this,” Clarke questioned, now confused.

Raven seemed to shake her head and pulled herself up so she could get involved properly in the situation.

“Too soon?” she asked, to which Octavia gave her a worried look as confirmation.

“Exactly. I mean… Lincoln’s great, and I do love him. But I’m not sure if I… _love_ him, y’know?”

Raven grabbed Octavia by the chin to make sure she was listening.

“O, don’t feel pressured into saying anything you don’t mean. You shouldn’t feel guilty about not being able to return someone’s feelings, and I’m sure he understands anyway – Lincoln’s great and I’m sure he didn’t mean to panic you. He probably just wants you to know,” she finished, with a small smile.

Octavia nodded at her seriously.

“You’re right,” she agreed. “I think I just need to tell him I’m not there yet. He won’t take it badly right?”

“Raven’s right O, he’ll be fine. There’s nothing wrong with needing a little time,” seconded Clarke.

“Okay,” Octavia said, relaxing back on the bed and dragging Raven’s legs back over her to continue with the massage. “So Clarke.”

Clarke looked at her, waiting for a question. When all she got in response was a raised eyebrow, she huffed in annoyance.

“What?” she asked bluntly, although she was pretty sure what conversation topic was coming up.

“Haven’t seen much of Lexa around recently,” Raven prodded.

Clarke was always able to get away with her feelings for a while, Raven and O gave her plenty of time to bring up whatever she needed to talk about. But if she left it too long, they would dive right in mercilessly and help her sort out her life. It was annoying, but it was also exactly what she needed. Unless she wanted to bottle everything up and never be able to open up emotionally again, which was where she was headed each time before her friends intervened.

Clarke sighed heavily as she replied, “Me neither.”

“Let it all out Clarke, auntie O is here to help.”

Clarke took a deep breath as she tried to gather her thoughts.

“Okay. So we had a great first day, and then a not so great first night, but then a moderately okay next day, right? All apologies done and whatever. Problem solved, _right_?” she looked to the two girls who nodded in agreement, waiting for her to continue. “But it’s _not_ right, because every time I see her in my psych lecture or around campus, it’s like she runs away. And she doesn’t even look me in the eye when I’m like, unavoidably in front of her y’know? I’ve tried to get her to come and have lunch with us or come out to do something, but she always excuses herself because of work, and I feel like she’s just blatantly avoiding me and I don’t know why because she won’t talk to me!”

Octavia opened her mouth to reply and offer some words of wisdom, but Raven reached over to get her attention and shook her head gently.

Clarke took another breath and continued.

“Also, I’m kind of worried because I never see her in our floor’s kitchen, like ever, so when is she eating? I mean she probably just eats really early and really late because of all the work she does, but still, we’re literally living next to each other and I never see her and I know I shouldn’t be so upset about this because I hardly know her but I just feel that we could be really great together and… I’m sad,” Clarke finished, looking defeated.

“Awww Clarke, come here!” offered Octavia, shuffling up so Clarke could sit with Raven’s feet on her lap. She wrapped an arm around her to calm her while Raven stroked her arm as comfortingly as one can with a foot.

“Look, Clarke, I have no idea what Lexa’s thinking at the moment, and neither do you. Which is why you should probably talk to her,” Raven stated, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

“But I-“

“No no no, she means _talk_ to her. Not awkwardly stand around waiting for her to come to you. You need to actually go up to her and make her have a conversation,” Octavia agreed.

“Exactly, although don’t back her into a corner or anything. Just like, make it clear you need to talk. Because I’m being honest here, Lexa seemed like a very calm and cool person, so I’m sure there’s not gonna be some massive problem between you two, you just gotta let her talk and you listen.”

“You could always drop her a text or something as well,” suggested Octavia.

“Um, or you could not be a chicken and talk face to face with her, she’s not gonna bite,” Raven corrected, looking disapprovingly at her.

“Okay, yeah you guys are right. Lexa’s lovely, so I’ll just talk to her and find out what’s up. Easy,” Clarke said, more talking to herself than the others. She had psychology tomorrow, and lunch was straight after so that would be the perfect chance to grab Lexa.

“Okay good girl, now that’s all sorted I’m gonna go eat. Coming?” Octavia asked Raven as she stood up, presenting a hand to her.

“Um, you go on ahead. I’ll catch up in a bit.”

“You sure? What’s up babe?” O asked, slightly worried.

“No nothing, just needed to ask Clarke about some leg stuff, I’ll text you when I’m on my way,” Raven reassured her with a smile.

“Alright, see you later Clarke, let us know what happens with the Lexa stuff!”

She was gone before Clarke could even respond, so she just turned her head to Raven and asked, “Leg stuff?”

“Uh, no,” she admitted with a shy smile.

_Why is Raven smiling shyly…_

“What’s going on? Is it Wick stuff?” Clarke probed. The only time Raven got embarrassed was when she was talking about boys.

“Not exactly… but kinda yes I guess,” she said.

“Wow great okay, you’re not really giving me much to go on here Raven,” Clarke laughed, trying to set her more at ease. “Have you talked to O about this?”

Raven shook her head, and now Clarke was very confused. They talked about _everything_.

“Look it’s kind of a very sensitive issue and I just don’t wanna talk to her about it but I need to talk to someone and so here we are. I’m bi, okay?” Raven explained, and Clarke could see pretty much every muscle of hers tensed up.

“Oh,” replied Clarke, shocked. Not because of the admission, but just because it wasn’t some massive deep dark secret that would change Raven in her eyes forever. “That’s cool,” she settled for.

“Okay well yeah I knew you’d be fine with it and everything, but-“

“So will O! You know her. Come on, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t bi too to be honest,” Clarke tried to reason with her.

“Well sure, but that’s not the issue.” Raven blew out a puff of air as she covered her face with her hands. “Clarke, I think I have feelings for her,” she admitted.

This was more like a deep secret that Clarke had been expecting before, and now she’d heard it, she wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“Fuck.”

“I know!” Raven said. “You don’t know what to say and neither do I but over the summer when she introduced me to Wick I realised how much I didn’t want him or anyone else because the person I want turns out to be one of my best fucking friends, and now I don’t know what to do because I’ve just created this whole mess and it’s all wrong. I don’t wanna hurt anyone but no matter what I do I’m gonna end up making everything awkward and ugh,” she finished, looking forlornly at Clarke.

“That’s um… difficult,” Clarke pronounced.

“Yeah no shit,” replied Raven, now sitting up on the bed and letting her legs hang off the side, ready to stand and leave.

“Raven, wow. This is huge, like enormously huge and complex. But whether or not you tell O how you feel – which is totally your decision to make – you can’t stay with Wick if you don’t actually have feelings for him,” she stated.

“Yeah I know that. It’s just so hard, but you’re right and I will. I just need some time.”

Clarke nodded in response as Raven stood up.

“Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, I better get to O,” she groaned.

“Yeah, and look you can talk to me about this whenever alright? I’m always here to help,” Clarke smiled, and Raven gave her a hug.

“Thanks babe, see you soon.”

Raven walked out of the room, and once the door had closed behind her, Clarke let out a heavy sigh and flopped onto her bed face first. It looked like there was going to be a lot to deal with in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going away for a month, to a place with no internet.  
> Pray for me.  
> That means I won't be able to update (unless I find a place to upload stuff), but it also means I should have plenty of time to write! So look forward to proper updates in the future!  
> Thanks for staying with me guys, it means the world.  
> Stay happy :-)


	7. Push Through It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa stop being dumb and finally talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda slightly later than I said which I apologise for, yet again........ I feel like I apologise a lot lmao I'm sorry for that  
> Please enjoy!

Lexa was lonely.

She had promised Anya she would keep her new friends close, yet she had been keeping them at an arm’s distance for weeks now.

It wasn’t even on purpose – she had seen Clarke, Raven and Octavia around, but had either ducked her head and pretended she didn’t notice them, or just said hello and then walked away. As soon as she was clear, Lexa felt frustrated with herself. She wanted to push past her discomfort and awkwardness, but it just felt like she had returned to the shell of a person she had been before.

When Costia had died, it had taken Lexa almost a fortnight to say anything past “yes” or “no”. She had become nothing more than an empty vessel, simply existing. It took a lot of time, but she built herself up again. Helped along the way by Anya, Lexa found herself once more. She was different, less trusting, less open. But she was human again.

The only way she had been able to recover was to build walls, and now that she was starting her new life in Polis, Lexa was finding it difficult to break them down for fear of falling apart again.

And so Lexa was lonely.

It was Friday morning, and she had woken up at 4am. Not by choice of course, but she was just a naturally bad sleeper. The tiniest noise would wake her up, and then she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep.

Yawning and stretching her way out of bed, Lexa dragged herself to the kitchen, opening her door quietly and putting the usual slipper/doorstop down on the way. She put the kettle on and put two spoons of coffee in a mug, then sat down at the island in the middle of the room, staring down the corridor of rooms.

The *click* of the kettle went off and she poured the boiling hot water into the mug. Stirring it gently, the smell of coffee consumed her senses and breathed life back into her soul.

Lexa made her way back to her room, coffee in hand and slipper on foot. She stopped outside her room and took a breath.

_She’s right there,_ Lexa thought, staring at the door next to hers. _How can it be so difficult to talk to someone who lives right next to you?_

She had considered knocking on that door every morning and every night for the last two weeks, but it was always too early or too late.

_“Heyyyy Clarke… um, I see I’ve just woken you up but uh… well I just wanted to check… are we still friends?”_

It sounded absolutely ridiculous every time she said it in her mind, but Lexa couldn’t find another way to phrase it. She might sound like a 5 year old kid, but she just wanted to know that they were still okay.

Sighing to herself, Lexa reunited her slippers and sat at her desk. As she sipped her coffee, she studied her text books and went through the notes she took in her previous day’s lectures. She only had two lectures today – international law in the morning and psychology before lunch. She was planning to go to The Woods’ for lunch so she could finally catch up with Gustus, although she had been planning this for every day before as well… She would get to it eventually.

For now she studied the content of today’s lectures so she would be able to follow it later.

Once Lexa had finished her coffee, she took a shower and put on the first thing she found in her wardrobe. She took the bus to Polis, and went to her lectures. She was doing all the “living stuff” required of her.

Except the socialising aspect of it.

She dived into the psychology lecture early and took a seat in the very middle of the middle row. This almost guaranteed that she would be blocked in by people on either side of her; more importantly, by people she didn’t know. It had worked so far, ensuring there would be no distractions during the lecture.

She sat patiently, and stared intently at the front of the lecture theatre. As always, a familiar bush of blonde hair passed in her peripheral vision, but this time it did not turn to reveal an inquiring or painfully upset face. Clarke didn’t even spare a glance at Lexa as she went to sit down.

_Maybe she’s given up._

And that’s the thought that was going around Lexa’s mind for the entire lecture. She spent an entire hour thinking that her life was over, she’d never make any friends again, she was going to spend the rest of her life alone.

And then the lecture finished, and Lexa walked out of the lecture theatre to be greeted by the most beautiful, hesitantly warm smile she’d ever seen.

“Hey Lex,” Clarke started, instantly rendering Lexa speechless at the familiar nickname. “I’ve missed you.”

That simple statement was all Lexa had wanted to convey in the last two weeks, yet here Clarke was making it look like the easiest sentence in the world.

“I uh… I mean – I’m sorry,” Lexa tried.

_Say it. Push through it._

“I’ve missed you too.”

Clarke blushed at her reply and beamed in return.

“Wanna go for lunch?” she offered.

“Definitely.”

Clarke had brought her own lunch today as Lexa usually did, which meant they went straight to the fountain and sat on the same bench as before.

“Hey, I’m sorry about before-“

“Clarke, I’m sorry-“

They broke off and looked at each other, and Clarke let out a laugh.

“Déjà vu. Look Lex, I have to admit I have no idea what happened last time we were here. I’m not sure if I said something wrong or didn’t apologise for something but…” she tailed off, hinting that Lexa should take over and explain.

“Clarke, I didn’t need an apology. It’s just that something else happened that night and you didn’t remember, so I felt uncomfortable knowing something that you didn’t. That made me distance myself and I guess I went too far with it which I’m sorry for, I’m just used to closing off when bad things happen.”

“I totally understand, I’m kind of the opposite to be honest. If I’m hurt or angry or embarrassed I just shout at people, and it’s generally the wrong people,” Clarke admitted. “Although with you I was trying to give you some space, hoping that whatever this was would blow over but…”

“But what?” Lexa prompted, curious.

“Well, I didn’t like giving you space because that meant I couldn’t talk to you, and I really wanted to talk to you.”

It was the way that she just admitted things so freely and honestly that made Lexa melt. She didn’t look down at her hands in shame or fidget with her hands, she just said exactly how she felt. Lexa wished she could be more like that, but feelings made her curl in on herself and wish the floor would swallow her up. And that was what made Lexa’s eyes fill slightly with tears, because it was so rare to encounter someone who made her feel wanted and valuable.

“Lex, what’s up? What did I do that night?” Clarke asked, now very concerned. She placed a comforting hand on Lexa’s again, and while she still flinched, this time she didn’t pull it away.

“You didn’t do anything Clarke… You just, well, we kissed again that’s all. When I helped you into your room.”

“Oh shit,” said Clarke.

“Well yeah. But then the next day you were apologising to me, whereas I felt at fault because by that point I was the responsible one, and I should have put a stop to it before it begun. But instead I let it happen, and you didn’t remember and I didn’t want to remind you, so I was just confused and – that’s all. But it’s fine now, please let’s stop apologising and just carry on where we left off. If you still want to?” Lexa asked delicately, well aware that Clarke might now be disgusted by her manipulation and lack of self-control.

“Well that’s not as bad as I thought I’ll admit, and okay I won’t apologise for kissing you again if you like,” Clarke teased, inspiring a slight blush on Lexa’s cheeks. “I’d love to carry on.”

So they sat and ate lunch together, each catching the other up on their lives. Lexa felt relaxed for the first time in weeks, and got that familiar feeling of being at home again. All she needed was Clar- _someone_ to talk to. Being alone wasn’t working for her anymore, not that it ever did in the past either.

“I’ll text you later yeah?” promised Clarke as they stood to leave.

Lexa nodded in reply and couldn’t stop the smile that took over her face. She walked away feeling lighter than she had since probably before Costia had died.

Checking her watch, Lexa saw it was already 14:20 – time had flown by. She decided to go and see Gustus now, while she was riding the high of friendship.

As she made her way to The Woods’ her phone buzzed in her pocket.

**Clarke Griffin [14:24]:** It’s later ;)

An embarrassingly goofy smile overcame Lexa’s face as she read the message and rolled her eyes.

**Lexa Woods [14:25]:** Ha ha. Don’t you have anyone else to talk to? :P

_Not that I’m complaining._

**Clarke Griffin [14:25]:** Raven and O are in lectures and I guess you’ll do in the meantime…

_Oh really? Two can play at that game._

Lexa resisted the temptation to reply as she was on the bus.

**Clarke Griffin [14:32]:** Lex???

**Clarke Griffin [14:40]:** Lexa I’m SORRY

**Clarke Griffin [14:42]:** You’re very fun to talk to

**Clarke Griffin [14:45]:** Plz come back

**Clarke Griffin [14:46]:** </3

The bus pulled up to Lexa’s stop as she was laughing at the last text, and after she hopped off she decided to put her out of her misery.

**Lexa Woods [14:47]:** Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise you had texted me :)

**Clarke Griffin [14:47]:** Hm.

**Lexa Woods [14:48]:** I have to go talk to Gustus so I will be unable to talk for real this time until later, but I’ll text you later

**Clarke Griffin [14:49]:** So you admit you were ignoring me

**Clarke Griffin [14:49]:** How absolutely RUDE

**Clarke Griffin [14:50]:** Don’t even bother texting later.

**Clarke Griffin [14:51]:** I’m joking plz do, also hope it goes well with Gustus!!! x

Lexa smirked to herself as she put her phone away and walked into the café, instantly spotting the large man behind the counter.

She queued up behind two other people – the place was quite empty which meant she wouldn’t be interrupting him at a bad time.

When it was her turn, she walked up to the till and shyly smiled at Gustus.

“Alexandria!” he exclaimed. “Let me come and have a chat with you.” He asked one of the other workers if she was okay to mind the till for a bit on her own, and then made his way around with two cups of black coffee, inviting Lexa to join him at a table.

“Hello, Gustus,” Lexa greeted him. The fear she had felt about coming to see him and not knowing what to say or not feeling that same ease around him instantly dissipated as he beamed at her, almost as if he felt blessed by her appearance.

“It is really, really good to see you sweetie, I’m glad you’ve come to live so close. How are you liking it?”

“It’s… nice,” replied Lexa. “It’s new.”

Gustus nodded understandingly.

“It is, and I hope you don’t mind me saying but you definitely needed a clean slate.”

“Yeah. It’s not like I had a choice anyway though.”

“Lexie I know your parents are tough and it seems like they just dragged you along to be difficult, but you have to trust that they do care about you. Everybody could see what that place was doing to you, and maybe they simply knew you well enough to take the choice out of your hands and make sure you got away. You’re going to do amazing things here Lexa, and meet amazing people. And if you ever need any help I’m always right here. Plus I’m sure Anya will want you to check in every now and then. We all love you Lex, and I’m so proud of you.”

Gustus wiped the corners of his eyes gently and cleared his throat.

“Sorry to get all emotional but I just wanted to get that out there,” he laughed

“Thank you,” Lexa smiled through watery eyes. “That really means a lot.”

“So,” Gustus moved on. “How has it been? University going alright? Made many friends yet?”

“Oh well… yeah it’s been going well. I’m keeping on top of work but it is still early days. But I’m really enjoying my course and everyone on it is lovely. I’ve got a few friends as well so, yes, it’s been good so far I think.”

“You still getting on with Clarke? She’s a lovely girl, always in here and always makes sure to say hello to me. She seems like a good friend to have,” Gustus suggested.

“Yes,” Lexa smiled a little more than she should have. “She’s a very good friend to have.”

 

* * *

 

Lexa came home from seeing Gustus feeling so happy because for once she was excited to see tomorrow, she had hope for her future and didn’t feel smothered by the usual cloud of guilt and depression that had prevented her from moving on with her life.

She had been texting Clarke as soon as she left, and they had agreed to go to the library together tomorrow and grab a coffee first. It definitely felt a lot less awkward now, even though Lexa couldn’t stop the butterflies she got every time her phone buzzed.

**Clarke Griffin [21:48]:** s0

**Clarke Griffin [21:48]:** Idk about you but I feel a million times better than when I woke up this morning

**Clarke Griffin [21:49]:** Like I don’t wanna sound creepy but

**Clarke Griffin [21:50]:** Actually nvm

**Lexa Woods [21:50]:** What????

**Lexa Woods [21:50]:** You can’t just ‘nvm’ that Clarke

**Clarke Griffin [21:51]:** Okay fine

**Clarke Griffin [21:54]:** Basically

**Clarke Griffin [21:55]:** I’m a very happy person normally, as I’m sure you’ve noticed but… these last couple of weeks have been really tough for me

**Clarke Griffin [21:55]:** I’m not normally this…. clingy

**Clarke Griffin [21:56]:** ew I hate that word

**Clarke Griffin [21:56]:** Sorry it sounds weird

**Clarke Griffin [21:56]:** But you just make me feel a million times happier when you’re around

**Clarke Griffin [21:57]:** And in conclusion I think you’re great and I’m v happy we’re all good

**Clarke Griffin [21:57]:** K bye.

Lexa was pretty sure she had melted and her cheekbones hurt from smiling so widely.

**Lexa Woods [21:58]:** Clarke that is very sweet of you to say. I completely understand because I feel exactly the same.

**Lexa Woods [21:58]:** You’re like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day

Lexa deleted the last text before she sent it.

_Too fucking cringy Woods, chill._

**Lexa Woods [21:59]:** You’re such an exciting person to be around and I’m definitely going to sleep easier tonight knowing that everything’s okay.

**Clarke Griffin [22:00]:** phew

**Clarke Griffin [22:00]:** Okay good stuff

**Clarke Griffin [22:00]:** So I’m gonna get some beauty sleep now

_As if you need it._

**Clarke Griffin [22:01]:** Speak to you tomorrow?

**Lexa Woods [22:02]:** Definitely.

**Clarke Griffin [22:05]:** Cool, night then Lex xo

_Fuck._

**Lexa Woods [22:05]:** Goodnight, Clarke.

**Clarke Griffin [22:07]:** :(

**Lexa Woods [22:09]:** xo

**Clarke Griffin [22:10]:** :)

Lexa had been sprawled out on her bed switching between texting Clarke and playing Angry Birds to pass the time, and now that Clarke had gone to sleep she couldn’t see any reason to stay up.

So Lexa got ready for bed, slipping on her pyjamas and slippers and making herself a coffee. As she settled into bed, her eyes droopy with tiredness, she snuggled her duvet and sipped her drink. She scrolled through her days’ texts with Clarke and smiled to herself at their dorkiness. And then as she stared at the tiny picture in the top right of her screen, she nearly spat out her drink as her phone vibrated again, as if she’d been caught in the act.

**Clarke Griffin [22:23]:** Okay but who has coffee right before they go to sleep???

**Clarke Griffin [22:23]:** I’m sorry none of my business I’ll leave you to it

**Clarke Griffin [22:23]:** But seriously wtf lady

**Lexa Woods [22:24]:** Did you just call me lady?

**Lexa Woods [22:24]:** And the caffeine doesn’t really do anything to me, it’s just my routine I guess.

**Clarke Griffin [22:25]:** Fair enough weirdo

**Clarke Griffin [22:25]:** And no I didn’t why would I say something like that

**Clarke Griffin [22:25]:** pft

Lexa laughed at her ridiculousness, took a screenshot and sent it to Clarke.

**Clarke Griffin [22:28]:** That’s clearly been edited.

**Clarke Griffin [22:28]:** I’m trying to sleep.

**Lexa Woods [22:29]:** Okay sorry Clarke, my bad. I shouldn’t have framed you like that.

**Clarke Griffin [22:30]:** Thank you for your apology :)

**Lexa Woods [22:30]:** You’re crazy do you know that?

**Lexa Woods [22:31]:** Goodnight Clarke xo

**Clarke Griffin [22:32]:** It has been said once or twice before, perhaps.

**Clarke Griffin [22:32]:** Night Lex, sweet dreams xo

Lexa fell asleep, phone in hand and feeling happier than she imagined she could be in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay back to uni which means..... I'm not sure yet.  
> We'll see where we go, thank you for staying tuned and keeping me going - it does mean a lot.


End file.
